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“We’re in a good place but let’s keep on our toes”

And off she goes….I think my wife really is a new woman.  Although she has pain and deep discomfort from her expanders, her first full day without drains seemed to go without a hitch.  Although I still made breakfast and drove the kids to school, she had energy to go for a walk with our Principal’s wife, entertain my mother and sister who came by to check on her at lunch, and drive the mile to our kid’s school, read to our son’s 3rd grade class, and then make it home.  While still in discomfort, she said her energy level was more than back and all the exercise she had done to get in shape before surgery was a big help.

I sat at work worried and checking in on her.  I thought it was too much and stood at the ready in case she needed me.  I married a stubborn fighter.  She’s still soft inside, but she’ll fight when she needs to.  I reminded her that although she is feeling good today, the road is still long and we have some uphill painful battles yet to climb and we needed to keep on her toes.  That did it, I stepped over the line.  I needed to let her enjoy the moment.  Don’t rain on her parade, you fool!

The expanders though are our next hurdle and from what i’ve read the more they get filled the worse the pain  will get.  So although she says she doesn’t need me to take her there, I think I will just be there anyway to take her home just in case.  Funny we were so focused on the drains and then now our attention is on the expanders, the schedule for exchange and lastly the looming possibility of chemo.  It really is one step at a time.  While we are aware of each potential situation my word of advice is to cross the bridge when we get to it.  I think our physicians are amused by my wife’s lists.  My wife’s lists are famous in our house.  I don’t think there is a thing my wife won’t list.  I think our list of questions though will change from previous visits now that the drains are behind us.

Today she took her first shower and re-bandaged herself  Like many said it would, it felt good just tor un water all over her.  I think we’re going to have a water shortage here in California after that marathon shower.

One other note.  Sadly, someone out there on a message board thought it was “weird” that as a husband I was being an active information gatherer and was bothered by my being an active participant in my wife’s fight against cancer.  It really angered me and when I mentioned it to my wife, she gave me this big hug and assured me that many people don’t know what it means to have great support.  She’s right but I also think it is a sad state that someone would feel that there is some kind of perverted research that I am doing.  We’re talking about someone I love deeply and there is no end to what I would do to find out what I could do to help her.  I also feel saddened but understand that there are many out there who can’t feel open about what they share.

I also think she thinks it is weird mostly because I am a guy asking the questions as opposed to another woman . Many women ask questions but when a guy asks the questions she got scared.  This is sad because I think husbands need to be more active and help their wives through this.  The day will come when I will be in the hospital and I will need all of my wife’s support and I sure hope she can do for me what I did have been able to do for her.  People!  Cancer does not discriminate! Black, white, young, old, men, women, children….we need to fight the cancer, not the people!

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