Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only what you are expecting to give — which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving. – Katherine Hepburn
I found the quote above on a site about Spousal Caregiving and it really hit home. We’re done with all the surgeries yet this week my wife had three days in the hospital and if you thought the waiting was excruciating before and during the surgeries, it is only worse now. I guess it is like they say about Chinese Restaurants. You know it is good and authentic if Chinese people work there and it is busy and filled with Chinese people. I think the same goes with a breast cancer clinic. If you have to wait hours even if you have an appointment, then your doctor must be real good.
Last night my wife spent 4 hours at the hospital for a shot, a visit with the nurse practitioner to go over her side effects from her clinical trial, and then to visit with her rock star oncologist. You are wondering why? Well the reason is that she spends so much time caring and listening to each patient that she does fall behind that most people understand. Today was a follow up meeting with the plastic surgeon. My wife has some nip-tuck things she wanted to have taken care of he took a look. and told her to book some time. We checked his schedule but we’re talking about mid-April!! Well his wonderful nurse said to book a time but if we could do something on four days notice, we could get something done pretty quick if we just sit on stand-by.
My travel schedule looks crazy already this year and I just hate being away from my family, especially now. Today was the first day that I had to watch my son practice his basketball. He’s good at it. Not great, but the joy on his face is all that I care about. I drove him home and started to talk about how he could be better, but realized that telling a kid on a Friday afternoon about the nuances of practicing hard and being a floor leader were just not something he wanted to hear. I chuckled at myself, “Come on dad, it’s just practice”. I was just trying to make up for my missing his first game of the season as well as his favorite thing…the annual Little League Skills Assessment Day. Last year I was so nervous watching him that my stomach was in knots. All these men with clipboards and stopwatches taking notes on my 8 year old, 55 pound kid as if he was some kind of bonus baby. Well he did well enough to be put in the elite group where they take the top kids and spread them evenly so no one team is overly loaded with skilled players. This year my wife gets the fun duty. It did feel good though to spend some time alone with my son.
Despite the stress of today’s waiting at the hospital we were able to have an early dinner as my daughter was requesting some family time. Fortunately my flight was late and we could squeeze it in (amazing as I still only arrived at the airport 40 minutes before my flight on a Friday night). My daughter has such a nurturing nature about her for a 6 year old. She loves her older brother and she is always looking after her mom and telling me when she is doing something that she doesn’t think my wife should be doing (yes, she is a bit of a tattle tale in that way). She cares deeply and is sensitive to the fabric of our little quadrangle of a family.
I guess Katherine Hepburn was right…..you do what you do when you truly care.
I did buy some tickets for Valentine’s Day for the two of us. Hopefully my mom won’t mind having her grandchildren over as her Valentine’s. I really need to get my wife alone and see her have that smile back on her face. When we lived in the New York Metro area, Valentine’s was a big day when I courted her. We usually planned one big meal where we would eat at a top 20 NYC restaurant. I remember those Valentine’s Days 20 years later! We’d have to make a reservation before Thanksgiving to get any of our choice restaurants in NYC. Ah…to be young again….
I did pick up the Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama at the airport tonight. I was curious. It almost reads a little too highbrow like a lawyer wrote it. I’m sure the intellectual Democrats follow it, but I’m not sure if the average joe on the street Democrat would really follow. I’m not big on politics personally as I feel like it is a topic that divides and not brings people together so you might not see much about my political opinions here…and that is a good thing.
Take care of your bodies….