Author Archives: route53

Letters from a Real Asian Tiger Dad – Letter #2

01 Tuesday Feb 2011

Posted by in Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

A son can bear with equanimity the loss of his father, but the loss of his inheritance may drive him to despair.
– Niccolo Machiavelli

Tiger Dad

I read today the Tiger mom’s husband was backing his wife.  Of course he would.  As the article suggests, these two sure know how to utilize the media to promote their book.  As I read more and more, I think that we are missing the point.  These parents are just guiding their children with a firm hand.  To many of us out there who never had a parent who pushed hard, this may seem like a foreign concept.  It is a fine art.  A balancing act of cultivating, nurturing, and motivating without a rebellion.

When I was young, we were all taught to treat my grandfather with respect.   When you visited my grandfather you had to listen to him speak his philosophies even if you thought they were outdated.  This was a very successful man and he didn’t get to where he was without strong conviction.  He had no education and he somehow raised 6 boys and my mother from the streets of Chinatown to the posh estates of Atherton, CA. All of his sons except his first worked for him in his meat company.  Even his nephews worked for him.  It was a family business.  If you were a male, you were expected to work in my grandfather’s meat packing company.  I remember spending one summer when I was 12 (a year older than my son) that as an 80 pound kid while my friends were on vacation, I pushed around slabs of beef twice my size in a 20 degree refrigerated meet locker slipping and sliding on the discarded fat on the the floor.  My parents knew I’d hate it, but they wanted me to understand what it meant to work hard and to understand what made my grandfather successful.  This was before the movie Rocky ever came out, so there was no Asian glory in pushing around bloody carcasses of beef.  I didn’t earn minimum wage of $3/hr. My grandfather would yell my name at lunch over the speaker to come in and eat a lunch that he made.  That was my pay.  Family worked for my grandfather gratis.  It was a privilege, not a job.   Hard work, family values, and a tight fist with money is what I learned and all I needed to know about my grandfather’s money.  This is something shared amongst many Asian cultures around the world.  It is also shared by the cultures of many of my Caucasian friends who are closer to their heritage and have tight family bonds.

As the first son of the first daughter in a traditional Chinese family, not as much was expected of me, but these letters which I am re-publishing are because of this incident.  When I told my grandfather that I was going to camp the next summer instead of working for him in his freezer, he asked his friend, a successful Asian businessman, for copies of letters he had just written for his own son who had just graduated from Harvard.   My grandfather gave these copies of the letters to my dad in hope that they would inspire me to join the family business.  I never worked at the meat company again, but mostly because I understood that I wasn’t in the direct male lineage of the family.  I spent the next summer helping out for $3/hr at my mother’s gift shop selling jelly beans and gift cards.

My grandfather and his  good friend would always go for long walks or sit down over tea for hours discussing business and the issues of raising young children in the Western world.  They were raising Asian children in a 98% white upper class neighborhood where kids drove Porsches to school and tied tennis sweaters around their necks despite the 75 degree weather.  Another planet to 2 Asian men in their 60s who fought for everything they had.  Both men had multiple sons and a daughter.  The following is a second letter in a series of the three letters written by my grandfather’s friend to his eldest son.  My guess is that these letters were inspired by those long conversations with my grandfather:

===================

Dear XXXX:

The following statement tells you my concept and philosophy in the disposition of property and money.

Before I came to the United States I had established five trustees, four for each of the children and one for us.  The value of of each child’s trustee is about $250,000.00 and ours is about $1,000,000.00.  The children’s trustees get their income from the investment, such like dividend and interest.  The income of ours will be evenly distributed to you children when it is matured  All the trustees are under the fidelity and management of  XXXXX Bank and will be matured in February 1984.  When mature, the value of each child’s trustee will be about $350,000.00 to $500,000.00.

The above-mentioned property and money which is to be given to the children has been decided, but the remaining of our other property and money has not been decided.  It depends on the followings:

1) Your behavior and attitude with which you treat your parents and your contribution to the family.

2) Your concept and philosophy in utilizing money.  If you expect, after receiving the property and money from us, to enjoy an easy life for yourself, then the chance of receiving the inherited property and money from us is zero.  You may have your enjoyment with the money you earn from your work.

3) If you expect to improve yourself, your skill and knowledge, and to develop some kind of business, then the chance is big.  But it still depends on some other factors.

4) If you expect to utilize our property and money to commit certain contribution to the society and to the country, then the chance will even be bigger.

Anyhow, the distribution of our property and money to you is under certain conditions: 1) to improve yourself, 2) to contribute to the family, and 3) to contribute to society and to the country. Otherwise, you will be very disappointed and it is better not to expect it.

For the time being, I still have not made any will, until I am able to have a full observation of you.

If you want to work the family business, in order to maintain our relationship better than today, you should treat our business as an ordinary outside working institute, i.e. you are only allowed to spend every single penny which is connected with the business.  If you make any expenditure not connected with the business, or you want to get advantage from the company, it will hurt our relationship and I strongly suggest you not do it, even sometimes if sometimes it can get some advantage from income tax.  If you want to get some merchandise and/or facility from the company, you should pay a fair market price.  You may make some special arrangement with me with regards to expenditures which are connected to your personal purpose.  But I still hope this should not happen very often.

In family, I hope you will pay all minor expenses by yourself, such as laundry, clothes, and cosmetic, etc., etc..

PRIVACY.  In order to maintain our happy life, all of us should from the bottom of our hearts fully respect each other’s privacy.  We should pay attention to the following points.  1) We should all treat our friends as mutual friends, and not to interfere with their personal relationships. 2) Ordinary daily life, such as meal time and others, should be complied with family customs, without creating extra work or burden to the family. 3) In order not to let the family worry, we should let the family know our rough schedule, especially our whereabouts when we leave home.

This is my second letter to you, discussing the concept and philosophy in property and money.  This letter will also be distributed to your brothers.  I welcome your  comments, and theirs, on my letters No. 1 and on this letter No. 2 .

Love from,

Your father

==========================

Granted these letters are over 30 years old, but they reflect the culture by which many in my generation were subjected to.  The firm but loving hand.  The family unit is a microcosm of what children are exposed to compared to what they see day to day.  And the gap between the 2 cultures and philosophies grows every day.  It would be only natural for us to be shocked by such dialogue to a young adult today.   Do not get lost in the financial figures (remember those numbers are circa 1978), but consider Paris Hilton’s father sending this letter to his daughter.  Notice how my grandfather’s friend doesn’t even address the fact that his daughter would get a chance to see the letter.  She is treated equally financially, but what is expected of her is not mentioned.  Perhaps that is why Amy Chua became the Tiger Mom.   She had to guess the expectations of achievement to uphold the family values.

I can divulge that while the two younger sons and daughter did not go on to work for their father long term, they are all relatively successful in their own ways.  Unfortunately their parents split up as the mother and father eventually disagreed with the father’s evaluation and expectations of their children.

(To be continued – Letter #3)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Note: These letters I am publishing are typed with the misspellings and grammatical errors as they were written.  The first letter written in my previous posting was written on April 14, 1978.  The letter in this blog posting was written a week later on April 20, 1978.

The Letter from an Asian Tiger Dad – Letter #1

30 Sunday Jan 2011

Posted by in Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , ,

 “Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.”
— Bill Cosby

The first big controversial pop culture topic of  2011 was penned by Amy Chua, the Yale Professor who wrote the column in the Wall Street Journal titled “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior”.  It was all done to promote her new book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”.  The key word is promote.  As a marketer, you saw right through it when you read the article and you see that she refers to both men and women parents and then notes that this isn’t just about Chinese mothers.  I was miffed at  two points:…who says this is about Asian women only and why was she giving all the credit to Asian moms?  What about the dads?  Every parent out there was either saying what about me or what a B*&^% that lady is.

The whole point was to raise discussion on parenting and on that she was successful.  In fact, as a Chinese person I was indifferent to the stereotype.  I nodded my head in agreement about some parts of the article and in other parts shook my head and said that this was just a crazy mother who happens to be Chinese.  I also felt it was a generational thing.  My old grandmothers never were like that.  They were strong but passive women.  In a traditional Asian family of my  grandparent’s generation, the mom was the cleaning maid and cook as it appeared to me.  The father was the driver. My two Chinese grandmothers raised 15 children between the two of them without husbands around who were absent trying to make ends meet during the Depression era.  Maybe that is where Amy Chua gets her intensity.  Trying to be like her own mother but in today’s modern society.

One of the controversial moments in the article was what people who read the article refer to as “the piano lesson”.  It was an unbelievable example of tough parenting.  Then I heard my wife and son arguing the other night over his lack of practice on the piano.  It got loud and I stayed out.  And yes there were tears.  For those who don’t know me….my wife is not Asian.  She’s apparently the Italian Tiger Mom.  Myth #1 broken.

I should caveat and say that my own mother had me in Chinese school, basketball, soccer, baseball, dance, karate and swimming.  Not to mention that I worked in our family business.   My mother might have been a Tiger, but she wasn’t a tyrant.  She ruled with a stern prodding, but never a harsh tongue.  Expectations awere always high and friends (even other Chinese friends) said they noticed it.  People often say that some parents rule with an iron fist, well I think Asian parents amonst some other cultures are probably known for parenting via heavy guilt! 

When I first read the article I went digging for a note that my dad once showed to me.  It  was actually a series of letters. They were written by a wealthy multimillionaire businessman from Taiwan who was good friends with my grandfather on my mother’s side.  These two old Asian patriarchs would often go for walks on their large properties in Menlo Park, CA (a wealthy suburb of San Francisco) and discuss Asian philosophies and how they related to the Western business world and western parenting.  These two men were the first two minorities to move into what had been an all-white stuffed collar community.  When going to visit this my grandfather and his friend my parents told me to always listen to their stories before running off to play in the swimming pool.  It was boring for a 10 year old, but my dad must have kept the letters knowing that I’d find them again some day.  My grandfather’s friend gladly shared these letters with my dad and grandfather and must have been quite proud.  The letters were written to his eldest son who had just graduated from Harvard and was about to take a job with the McKinsey Consulting Group.  I have changed the names and not mentioned the business to protect the family which is a very high profile Asian family  (otherwise, all improper English is because I have kept all the imperfect grammar intact on purpose):

———————————-

LETTER #1

Dear XXXXX,

This is the first letter I write to you and I will give copies of it to your brothers.  It tells how your parents think about their children.

You and your  other brothers and sisters are always occupying the largest part of our heart.  This is the same as any other parents do.  First we worry about your health, your education, and then, your work, your marriage, and your family.  We do not know how our children think about their parents.  Sometimes, I heard complaints from your brothers.  They said, “Dad didn’t play with us.  Dad didn’t travel with us as other parents did.  They play with their children and travel together with their children.”  After I heard these complaints I used to wonder why they did not compare themselves with another group of children who work hard to earn more money to support their family.  I mean I don’t need more money from your working to support  the family, but I mean sometimes working is a kind of education and the experience from working can never be got in school.

Today I write this letter to you is for the purpose of answering your question whether you should work for the family business or in other company after you graduate from Harvard.

Before I answer your question, I want to tell you of my concept of managing a company.  If you become a member in the management of the company, you must understand the following concepts and principles.

  1. You should work much more and much harder than the ordinary employees,
  2. You should work for the much more difficult task than the ordinary employees, and
  3. You should work for the task with much more important responsibility than the ordinary employees.

If you want to work the family business, before you have made yor decision, you should convince yourself that you can surely comply with the above-mentioned principles.  It means you need to work more and harder and sometimes you may make some sacrifice in your private life.  But it will reward you in a later date.  Otherwise, you could work outside and you might enjoy an easy life for some short periods.

As regarding to the work experience from working in other companies, according to my past experience, it seems to not be very much useful.  Especially when working in a big company or institution, you re just like a a little piece of screw in a big machine.  Therefore the experience you acquired is very limited and sometimes useless.  Sometimes, you may even bring back some bad habits which will also influence you when you come back to work in my company.  Therefore, I do not one hundred percent agree that your experience from working outside will help your work with my company at a  later date.

With respect to the future business of our company, if our Chinese venture into apparel cannot succeed, there are lots of other business that you can start and/or develop.  The important thing is whether you can convince yourself if you can follow the above-mentioned Chinese principles when you come to work in my company.

This letter is an educational letter.  I hope you will keep it.Sometimes it will answer your problem, if you want to know how to manage it.

Love from

your father

——————————–

I read this many times over the years and couldn’t believe the audacity of a dad to move his children to the Western world and not support them in pursuit of their own  American or Western dream.  Was my grandfather’s friend right?  I’m not saying he was or wasn’t but his son has gone on to be quite successful owning some high profile businesses and having become a lead investor in many well-known technology companies.  Oh, and his father got his wish.  His son never went to McKinsey and I remember him being very frustrated at first.   

My dad was a kinder and gentler dad, but in passing this letter on to me, he didn’t have to tell me anything more.  Blood and my ancestry enough for going to be enough to help me by providing me with the right principles.  My grandfather on the other hand was no picnic.  He would insult his adult sons.  When one of his six sons got divorced, I remember my granfather shaking his head and telling me that my uncle (his son) was now only half a man (in reference that he had to give half of everything to his ex-wife).  My grandfather was perhaps the original Tiger Dad. 

So I guess in reading Amy Chua’s document I needed to self-reflect and ask if I am that kind of a dad.  This morning when my daughter said she was too sick to go to school, I told her to suck it up and go.  She’d already missed several days of school and misses school for the slightest  problems.  I  remember that missing school was only if you couldn’t get out of bed.  My wife said I was being tough, but I guess I’d rather be tough and involved rather than not involved.

My father always told me his father him he wanted a life better for his children  than he had.  He then told me he wanted the same for me and my siblings.  I think the current generation is different. We want a better way of life for our children.  My father gave me a lot, but he wasn’t able to share in it with me just like his father couldn’t with him.  I think it is any parent’s wish (Asian, black, white, Jewish, Latino, etc.) to see their kid succeed and to share that fulfillment with them, but hopefully it is not at the expense of too much angst.

If you’re curious, neither of my children is a concert violinist or pianist (in fact, far from it).  My children do have and go on sleepovers and playdates although I think too many. We do NOT have an xBox, Playstatio or Wii.  Both my children take piano (my son teaches himself guitar) and both play soccer and basketball.  My son also plays golf and baseball while my daughter takes gymnastics.   I do take pride as well in the academics of my children who I believe get above average grades.  My son (11)  has indicated that he feels the pressure to succeed and sometimes puts pressure on himself, but on several occasions when asked, he said he was alright. It is a tight balance we run with our children, but as I tell my son, I am happy that he understands that we want him to succeed as does every parent.

The Graston Technique – Breast Cancer Rehabilitation

06 Thursday Jan 2011

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

Graston Instruments

We often think about the recovery from breast cancer and most often hear about surgery, chemotherapy and radiation.  My wife is now 2 years past her surgery.  It is easy to look at the rehabilitation and the treatment as trivial but it is a battle.  The scars still exist and are a reminder of the trying time we went through.  The piles of pills and the monthly shots will continue.  The pills will continue for another 3 years and the black and blue bruising elephant shot will go for one more year.

Part of the surgical process most breast cancer victims have involves the use of alloderm which helps regenerate tissue in the recovery process.  The result is an intact acellular matrix of natural biological components that promotes rapid revascularization, white cell migration and cell repopulation.  The problem with most women is that this results in what is known as rippling caused by the scar tissue.  Many women are taught to massage their breasts after the surgery, but this has met with mixed results.  Recently the Graston Technique has been introduced.  It uses medieval looking tools which vibrate against the skin as it runs over the rippling area. 

Please see the attached story and video:

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/health&id=7879903

The story features both my wife’s therapist, Julie Wong, and my wife’s cancer surgeon Dr. Shelley Hwang.

Giants 12 Days of Christmas

11 Saturday Dec 2010

Posted by in Route 53 - Life is A Highway, San Francisco - Leaving your heart, San Francisco - Sports & Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

“No, instead, there’s a pole. It requires no decoration. I find tinsel  distracting.”  – Frank Costanza

AT&T Park

Giants Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
A catcher named Buster Posey.

On the second day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the third day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Four Giants starters,
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Five splash hits,
Four Giants starters,
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Six fearsome beards,
Five splash hits,
Four Giants starters,
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Seven fans a-tortured,
Six fearsome beards,
Five splash hits,
Four Giants starters,
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Eight Braves a-bumbling,
Seven fans a-tortured,
Six fearsome beards,
Five splash hits,
Four Giants starters,
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Nine Phillies flailing,
Eight Braves a-bumbling,
Seven fans a-tortured,
Six fearsome beards,
Five splash hits,
Four Giants starters,
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Ten Fists a-pumpin,
Nine Phillies flailing,
Eight Braves a-bumbling,
Seven fans a-tortured,
Six fearsome beards,
Five splash hits,
Four Giants starters,
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Eleven pitchers dealin’,
Ten Fists a-pumpin,
Nine Phillies flailing,
Eight Braves a-bumbling,
Seven fans a-tortured,
Six fearsome beards,
Five splash hits,
Four Giants starters,
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my Giants gave to me
Twelve Machines a-struttin,
Eleven pitchers dealin’,
Ten Fists a-pumpin,
Nine Phillies flailing,
Eight Braves a-bumbling,
Seven fans a-tortured,
Six fearsome beards,
Five splash hits,
Four Giants starters,
Three Garlic fries,
Two rally thongs,
And a catcher named Buster Posey!

Stepping Back & Enjoying the True Beauty

03 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by in Route 53 - Life is A Highway, San Francisco - Sports & Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

I’m Feeling Like I Want To Rage Right Now – Brian Wilson after winning the World Series

It has been just over a month since the Giants won San Francisco’s first ever World Series.  Having lived through 5 Super Bowl victories and an NBA Championship this one seems the most special.    Maybe when you take longer to love something it just becomes that more beautiful.  Last week my son and I just sat outside the empty stadium on a sunny Sunny afternoon and stared at the stadium.  We got a couple of hot dogs and sat on some rocks across from McCovey Cove, reading about all the teams from 1958-2000.  There is a plaque for every team that existed before the team moved to AT&T Park (nee Pacific Bell Park).  It all seemed so peaceful, but you could almost hear the cheers still echoing across the cove.

Willie Mays statue at 24 Willie Mays Plaza

On this day the park just glowed.  We recalled all the great memories we shared . Not just for this year but years gone by as well.  Reading about the great teams and players, we never would have imagined on Opening Day 2010 that this team would win it all.  Well it really wasn’t the same team that won the World Series.  That team in April was the core.  It grew into the beautiful story it became in October (and November).  Every month was something new.  You cringed at the team’s obvious flaws.  Like the beautiful girl with the gap-toothed smile and snorting laugh, it had character.  You loved her with all those flaws.  Some days you saw her potential.  Some days she was clutzy and broke your heart when she didn’t look all that special.  At the 2010 home opener, the Giants PR Department had the team enter the stadium through the centerfield fence like coming out from the corn in the movie “Field of Dreams”.  Although my favorite movie, it was a bit corny to do this for the Giants.  Little did we all know. 

Statue of Orlando Cepeda

AT&T Park was a special place in 2010.  It was a real Field of Dreams.  It turned a city into believers.  It made them wear fake beards and long haired wigs.  It made grown men wear silly looking panda hats on their heads that were so hideous their dogs would want to attack them out of embarrassment.

Like the team, AT&T Park has it’s many flaws although it has widely been considered the most beautiful stadium in baseball.  To me it just gets better with time.  Like Wrigley in Chicago and Fenway in Boston, it is the stories that go with the park that give it it’s beauty marks.  Many say the park was the park that Barry Bonds built just like Yankee stadium was the one that Ruth built.

Juan Marichal Statue on 3rd St.

Only 10 years old, AT&T Park does not have the memories of Juan Marichal and his crazy high leg kick or Gaylord Perry’s spitter, but in 2010 the team gave them more than enough memories.  Timmy “the Freak” Lincecum with yoga-esque delivery wowed crowds and even gave them a month-long scare when he basically showed he was normal and lost 5 straight games.  Overweight fan favorites, Pablo Sandoval and Bengie Molina  (Little Money and Big Money) failed to perform to expectations and were subsequently relegated to part-time player and trade bait.
 
Key players, Renteria, Sanchez, DeRosa and Uribe all spent time on the disabled list, reminding us that this was just a fact of life.  People get hurt.  People miss work….and unfortunately people move on.  Uribe and Renteria are already gone with Uribe heading to the rival Dodgers.
Willie Mac looking over McCovey Cove

The city has changed.  When you wear your Giants cap these days, people give you a smile or a thumbs up.    Permanent smiles are pasted on people’s faces and the sports talk radio shows still are filled more with talk about baseball than football, hockey or basketball. 

A couple weeks ago I ran into a friend of my dads at the driving range.  He was wearing his Giants cap.  I hadn’t seen him in a couple years and the conversation revolved around my dad and then moved to baseball.  At one point he asked me if I went out and partied or if I sat home and shed a tear when the Giants won.  He knew I had shed the tear for my dad.  It was my story.  Long time fans celebrated peacefully for those who never got to see this day while younger fans partied into the night.

The beauty of a Championship is looking back and enjoying the journey.  Even better is that the 2010 Giants had so many stories.  If they had won in 2002, it would have been all about Barry Bonds and Jeff Kent.  End of story.  With 70 days til Spring Training San Francisco fans will have many stories to relive and keep them busy.  If the Giants never win another World Series, this team gave us a lifetime’s worth in one season

Thanksgiving – Remembering to be Thankful

26 Friday Nov 2010

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, San Francisco - Leaving your heart

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

“When you’re down on your luck, you gotta do it,” –
Andrew W.K.’s feel-good song Got to Do It
 
After my wife found she had cancer a couple years ago, Thanksgiving took a different meaning for me.  I felt guilty that it took her illness for me to appreciate the holiday for what it is, but I do now take the time to remind myself and my kids about how thankful we should be at this time of year for what we have rather than next month when people start wishing for what they don’t have.  Tonight I sat on my brother’s couch after dinner, half napping as the tryptophan kicked in.  Fighting the lure of a nap, I picked up the recent Sports Illustrated and started to read an article about Jill Costello, a local girl from San Francisco with a big heart who graduated from the University of California at Berkeley this past Spring and as the coxswain for the women’s rowing team, led them to second place in the National Championships.

Jill Costello - former Cal rowing star

I had read briefly about Jill back in May in the local newspaper after I heard about her through the UCSF Medical Cancer newsletter that my wife gets. Jill had been diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer although she did not smoke.

Although I hadn’t kept up with her story, as I read through the article I felt myself tearing up.  I knew what was coming.  I looked over at my wife smiling and laughing with my family and felt truly blessed.

Thanksgiving is truly THE family holiday of the year.  It isn’t long enough for most people to travel far  away.  It isn’t about presents or religion.  It is about celebrating your place and those around you and being thankful  for what you have.  Sometimes hearing stories about the loss of others who really are special people reminds me of this.

I want to give a special thanks to my friend Donald Wilhelm who we lost this year.  A good guy who inspired many and left us too soon.  In the article in Sports Illustrated: The Courage of Jill Costello, we read a great story about another inspiring person who can teach us to appreciate what we have today.  Although the article did not mention it, Jill lost her battle after graduation, but her strength inspired many to give more than you receive.

As her coach so succinctly put it at Jill’s funeral, “There are givers and there are takers, and you want to be more giver than taker. She never complained. She gave far more than she ever took. She was an inspiration to all of us. I hope when we face something as daunting as this, we can show some of the courage that she showed.”

It’s November, 70s and Sunny!

15 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by in Route 53 - Celebrity Sightings, San Francisco - Sports & Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

The trouble with baseball is that it is not played the year round. –  Gaylord Perry, ex-Giants pitcher and Hall of Famer 

Me and Hall of Famer, Gaylord Perry

What a beautiful weekend it was in San Francisco.  A great weekend to get out to play and watch sports.  Many Sports weekends of my youth were spent with my dad at sporting events.

If you grew up in my generation in San Francisco and played sports or followed sports, there were three main sports you followed: football, basketball and baseball.  We had a hockey team (the San Francisco Seals) but they weren’t followed by many.  For me though, my dad took me to see the main sports.  My fondest memories of my dad were days like this weekend.  I remember my first baseball game and meeting the pitcher Gaylord Perry and my dad talking about his spitter.  I also remember that the pitcher did not appreciate the connotation that he was noted as a cheater.  We stayed after Warriors basketball games too so I could get Rick Barry’s autograph.  We hung out after 49er games so I could get Steve Spurrier’s autograph.  

A beautiful day this weekend, my son and I got out to see the 49ers with a nice victory over the Rams 23-20.  The same seats I sat in many times with my dad.  The same seats we high fived in and shared many Sundays.  It was just too warm! This was summer baseball weather! Candlestick Park in November is supposed to be cold and extremely windy.  Instead we sat there in short sleeved shirts looking to keep hydrated.

It was a great game and win, but I took note of how quiet it was.  In the 70s, the Warriors brought a basketball championship to the Bay Area. In the 80s and 90s, the 49ers turned San Francisco into a football town, but now the Giants own this town and I noted to my seatmate (a baseball executive) that we are definitely a baseball town now.

It has been two weeks since the World Series ended, but the buzz is still there.  At the 49ers game, many people were dressed in Giants Orange and Black, including me.  A couple weeks back before World Series Game 2, I ran into Gaylord Perry outside of AT&T Park.  I introduced him to my son  I didn’t mention anything about his spitter.   I just told my son he was the starting pitcher at the very first game I ever saw.  I could see the relief on his face that I didn’t mention the thing he was most noted for, and he graciously signed my son’s autograph book. 

Yep….only 90+ days left til Spring Training.  I can’t wait..especially if we continue to have baseball weather and  not football weather.

True Fan or Bandwagoner? In San Francisco it doesn’t matter.

11 Thursday Nov 2010

Posted by in Route 53 - Life is A Highway, San Francisco - Leaving your heart, San Francisco - Sports & Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

“The triumph of this team allows us to flash back and connect to our past, to experience the beauty of our memories and shared experiences with unbridled joy. This day is a blessed reminder of a dream fulfilled for all of us” – Larry Baer, Giants President speaking at the San Francisco City celebration of the Giants championship

Orange October

It has been over a week now since the Giants took the baseball world by surprise.  In fact, for many die hard fans who have rooted for the team for at least more than a decade, it took them by surprise too.  The shock is just wearing off.
 
Having had the chance to bask in the orange glow of San Francisco’s first World Series Championship, everyone who has closely followed the Giants is now realizing the true impact of the accomplishment is bigger than a stadium filled with 35 thousand fans during the dog days of summer.
 
The Giants parade was littered with converts (bandwagoners to those who sport Croix de Candlestick pins from the days of watching baseball in the ice cold winds of Candlestick Park.  If you don’t know what a Croix is, good look it up).  Converts who couldn’t name the whole starting lineup for the Giants.  Converts who couldn’t tell you who are the 4 Giants greats with statues erected outside of AT&T Park. Converts who now own well over $100 worth of brand new Giants merchandise.  Converts who know who Mark Zuckerberg is but not Bill Neukom,  but that is okay.   By the way, my 8 year old daughter can tell you all about the statues.
 
A parade of champions is not the same as a Christmas Day parade or a New Year’s Day parade.  Most parades are for people on the side to watch the spectacle of the parade.  A parade of Champions is different.  It is for, in this case, the Giants, to see how wide an effect they had on people.  For them to see beyond the walls of the stadium.  For them to see how crazy they made people.  A chance for them to see all the crazy people they converted into fans.  Their biggest public audience…..over 1.5 million people (estimated) lined the mile and a half route, the same route taken by Willie Mays and the Giants when they first arrived from New York.  This was not a parade for one team.  This was a parade for 53 teams and 53 years of long-suffering.  One can only imagine what will happen when Chicago and Cleveland win their next World Series.
 
During the stretch drive of the regular baseball season, my family and I sat in front of some elderly men and screaming high school girls.  All the girls could talk about who was cuter, Buster Posey or Barry Zito.  The men were questioning about having a rookie catcher  was a mistake.  My 8 year old daughter looked at me, ready to say something and I had to tell her that it was okay. “But they’re not REAL fans, Dad,” she said.  I was proud of my daughter for her aptitude, but I was also glad to see more people enjoying the Giants. true, it was hard to listen to for a diehard fan during a pennant drive, but baseball can not live on die hard fans alone.  If that were the case, AT&T Park would be empty.
 
San Francisco is a melting pot.  Being a San Francisco “native” is such a novelty.  Only 37% of the residents are even born in California and 35.5% aren’t even born in the US.  What shocked me even more is that in my son’s class recently 19 boys signed up for lacrosse while only 11 signed up for baseball which indicates where “America’s past time” sits with the families living in San Francisco.  There are few legacy Giants fans in San Francisco. These 2010 Giants had to earn new fans and recruit them  through more than a history lesson.   They needed to tell their own story.  And they did it the San Francisco way.  In many ways they represented the city and its crazy mix of citizens.   If you didn’t like the story of the hero old guy, the star young pitcher, or the wacky reliever, there was a human interest story somewhere on the roster that you could relate to.
 
What was more important and maybe something we all could take a lesson or two from is that this was the right team to represent San Francisco and bring it it’s first World Series Championship.  Like the 1981 49ers and the 1975 Warriors, each team that brought San Francisco its first championship in their respective sport was made up of underdogs.  Each team did it as a team, with unsung heroes and a style that made them distinctive.  The ’75 Warriors some consider to be the least talented team to win the NBA title, but they played like a team.  The ’81 49ers showed the NFL that the “West Coast Offense” would bring a whole new schema to the game of football.
 
Winning builds community and that is what all these teams did.  The Giants have written the latest chapter and the city still is awash in orange a week later.  People feel guilty still talking baseball when football and basketball are being played.  It’s okay.  At least we’re talking.  Some satirists joked that the Giants parade was much bigger than the Gay Pride parades in San Francisco.  I think it just proved that San Francisco is a real baseball town. It proved that San Francisco has a way about doing things with style.  Finally, it proved that teamwork breeds a great community atmosphere.  Long time fans and bandwagoners partied equally hard, and partied together.  In San Francisco we are known to be accepting of all types of people (except Dodger fans)..so welcome aboard the bandwagon.

53 Years of Torture Over – World Champion San Francisco Giants

02 Tuesday Nov 2010

Posted by in Route 53 - Life is A Highway, San Francisco - Leaving your heart, San Francisco - Sports & Life

≈ 53 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

It breaks your heart.  It is designed to break your heart.  The game begins in spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone.  ~A. Bartlett Giamatti, “The Green Fields of the Mind,” Yale Alumni Magazine, November 1977

For 53 years and 53 teams, baseball broke the hearts of San Franciscans, but tonight an improbable team ended years of frustration and enhanced the love of a sport and 25 guys who worked as one.  As their management and the team tried to convey, the victory was for a city, for fans, for past players and for past generations.  The atmosphere has been electric for the last month.  You could feel how badly people wanted this one and perhaps needed it.

Torture was the word of the year to describe this team, but  it really wasn’t one year.  It was 53 years.  A team of underdogs, a team of misfits, a team that nobody ever believed had a chance, was the team that everyone fell in love with.  The team with a rich history of Hall of Famers had its most  successful season with a bunch of no-names.  In the future, many will not remember some of the names that helped to bring San Francisco it’s first baseball championship.  As I mentioned previously, the City of San Francisco loves its champions, but more they love their champions who do it the right way.  The 2010 San Francisco Giants did it the right way.  There will be many who say they knew this team had it from day 1, but if they tell you that, they are liars.  A team of misfits, discards from other teams, showed the world what teamwork is all about.  They have said repeatedly this post-season that the most talented team doesn’t always win.  It’s the team that plays the best that wins.  As late as the beginning of August this team was in 4th place and 7 or 8 games out of 1st place, but the team showed how baseball is a parallel to life.  You work hard, you keep grinding, and you never stop believing.

Nick and I Fear the Beard!

As a San Francisco native I am overwhelmed.  There are hundreds of thousands and perhaps millions of natives who grew up in the same generation as me, who had moms or dads that introduced them to baseball at Candlestick Park or Seals Stadium and had to wait their whole lives.  Everyone has their own unique story.  There are many people like me who wish the dad that introduced them to the sport were here to enjoy and celebrate with them.  Yes baseball is just a game, but it is America’s past time.  It is like life itself.  Unlike those in New York who have 27 Championships, this is San Francisco’s first.  For those who have waited their whole lives for this day, it is a day to be savored.  Hopefully it won’t be 53 years until another championship is won.  Those who had seen things go wrong in the past know the heartache and how sweet this victory is.  This will not be taken for granted.  It will be cherished.  It will be savored.   The team itself reminded everyone of the history of the organization.  It reminded those not old enough about the heartaches of the 3 previous attempts at the World Championship.  It reminded me of the great history of San Francisco, and it reminded me of all the great things the City has to offer.  The team helped me to teach my son about all the great history and people that built this City.  My son saw Joe Montana, Bob Weir, Steve Perry, Danny Glover, and a slew of other celebrities from the area cheering for the team just like him.  Somewhere around the 7th inning of Game 2 he started to grasp the gravity of the situation and understood the passion around the desire to win the whole thing.  A World Series victory would be the beginning of a big healing process.

There is an old adage in baseball that as Spring Training begins, hope always springs eternal. No matter what I am always optimistic about the Giant’s chances.  This year I wasn’t.  I really felt this team didn’t have what it would take.  It shows how life is so unpredictable, how what is perceived could also be deceiving.  Baseball and life are unpredictable and just when you least expect it, it will serve you up a surprise.

Growing up watching Mays, Marichal, Perry, Cepeda, McCovey, Clark, Mitchell, Speier, Fuentes and all it is amazing this team has accomplished something that those other teams couldn’t.  No heroes, just a bunch of blue collar ballplayers.  Fortunately for me I was able to share a little bit with my own son and helped him to understand how unique an experience this is and how unique this team is.  Attending the last game played at home and also participating in the Opening Ceremonies of Game 2 of the World Series was not only a unique experience, but it was the creation of a memory that he will keep forever.  Having my son tell me, “I will never ever forget this day” was a highlight for me.  I remember when my dad took me to see Ed Halicki’s no-hitter back in the late-70s as if it were yesterday.  I know my son will be thinking the same even 30 years from now.

Carrying the US Flag

It is only fitting that Edgar Renteria, a player that is at the end of his career and contemplating retirement was the MVP of the series.  He spent many months on the bench, has a torn muscle in his arm, yet was one of the many heroes in the end.  Hard work, determination and a never say die attitude, were Edgar’s message to all.  It’s one we should all learn to employ in life.

I am speechless to say the least.  I am more choked up than anything else.  The memory of all those who never got to see this day, but taught us to love this team, this City, and the game of baseball would be proud of the 2010 World Champion San Francisco Giants.  They were not only a team of destiny, but true deserving champions in every sense of the word.  A team of misfits who fit perfectly together.

As I write this, there is honking and hollering in the streets.  The younger generations are celebrating in the bars and dancing in the streets, but I know there are many like me also sitting at home with not so dry eyes thinking of those who never got to see this but helped us to appreciate this moment.  They taught us how to “love the laundry” (as Seinfeld calls it).  Such a bittersweet time in San Francisco.

The much maligned announcer, Joe Buck, said it best….”America’s Most Beautiful City now owns Baseball’s Sweetest Accomplishment”.

Is There Magic Inside? Or are there Particles?

29 Friday Oct 2010

Posted by in Route 53 - Life is A Highway, San Francisco - Leaving your heart, San Francisco - Sports & Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“You close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nostrils and savor it” – Duane Kuiper (former Giant 2nd Baseman and current radio broadcaster)

There's Nick Inside

Game 1 and 2 are over.  The Giants were victorious in a game 1 that was labeled a pitcher’s duel and turned out to be a slugfest.  A crazy day as I got stuck in a meeting as the first pitch was tossed.  Others in the meeting had one eye on their iPhones and the other on the presentation.  Coughing and mumbling occurred when the Giants went down 2-0 but smiles broke out as the game was tied at 2-2.  it wasn’t a pretty victory, but at this time of year you take wins any way they will come.  Game 2 was more traditional..at least from the Giants way of thinking.  Something else went wrong for the Rangers.

“There’s __________ inside” is the tagline of the Giants marketing department.  Nicknames and other terms were inserted.  Magic, Freak, Panda, Orange and other fun terms were used over and over again.  Recently the word Torture was added to reflect the closeness of the Giant’s style of victory, as in   “There’s Torture Inside”.

As a long suffering Giants fan, I know those Cubs and Indians fans must be rooting for the Giants.  There are those who might say that given the Rangers are in their first World Series ever while the Giants are in their 4th since they moved to San Francisco, the Rangers should be an underdog too.  Well the experts were all picking the Rangers. This made the Giants the clear underdog. Not so fast!  Don’t those people know about Particles and Magic?  They are better than stats and scouting reports.

Now that Game 2 is over and the Giants have darkened the hopes of Rangers fans, there is an optimism that this team just might erase the ghosts of 1962, 1989 and 2002.  Two of those series, ended on fateful mistakes and great plays while the other (1989) was marred by an Act of Mother nature which made baseball seem very small in the greater scheme of things.

One of the morning talk show hosts on the Giants flagship radio station calls it “particles”.  The force by which all things come together and create destiny.  Was it particles that interfered and suddenly gave the Braves a case of the dropsies?  Was it particles that put a hole in the bat of Phillies slugger Ryan Howard when he had a chance to do something big? Was it particles in Game 2 of the World Series that caused the Rangers pitchers to lose the strike zone and allow 8 straight batters to reach base?  I’m not sure, but the catch phrases are everywhere.  From “Believe” (mantra sung to Don’t Stop Believin by ex-Journey lead singer Steve Perry who is a season ticket holder and attends games waving his towel) to “Torture” to “Magic” the team has captured the imagination of the City.

As a long time Giants fan who has been through all the ups and downs, seeing the baseball team I grew up watching on the brink of it’s first World Championship is a bit of an end game.  And this time it feels right.  I normally never count my chickens before they are hatched, but the particles just seem aligned now that I see it coming.  San Francisco has won championships in basketball and football in my lifetime and if you look back at the first championships of those teams it makes perfect sense why this baseball team should be the first.

San Francisco has always been the City that does it with style, with a bit of a twist, and in a new way with a dash of the old.  It’s businesses such as the Gap, Levi’s, Williams-Sonoma, Zynga, Twitter, etc. are model examples and their Championship teams are no different.

The 1974-75 Golden State Warriors won with the first black coach (Al Attles) who had a fading superstar (Rick Barry) that he taught to be a team player and a cast of young players (Keith Wilkes), local heroes (Phil Smith) and other outcasts  both young and old.  Attles was the first coach to use all the players on his bench such that I can still name them all by heart 35 years later.  The team was a heavy underdog to the team many thought to be the next big powerhouse in the NBA, the Washington Bullets, a team led by Wes Unseld, Elvin Hayes, and Phil Chenier.  The Warriors used team chemistry, smarts and a great defense to win that series 4-0 for their first and only championship.

The 1981 49er Championship team was made up of a young scatter-gunned armed QB named Joe Montana and 3 rookie DBs (including Ronnie Lott) coached by a man they call the Genius, Bill Walsh.  Walsh would show the NFL the power of the short passing game.  Very few can even tell you the names of the starting RBs for the 49ers that year (Lenvil Elliot and Earl Cooper).  Walsh changed the way football would be played for the next 15 years.  The 49ers beat their long time roadblock, Dallas, in the NFC Championship game with a famous play known only as “The Catch”.  In the Super Bowl, the 49ers were again the underdog to another team making its mark, the Cincinnati Bengals.  In fact, it has often been said the jeweler had to change the etching in the MVP trophy to remove Ken Anderson (QB of the Bengals) from the trophy and put on Joe Montana’s name.  The 49ers went on to win the first of 5 Super Bowls with a 20-16 win.

Now to these Giants.  Here we are again.  Underdogs.  Historic names have played for this franchise.  McCovey, Mays, Marichal, Perry, Alou, Cepeda, Kent, Bonds…and yet no trophy.  52 years of futility (3rd longest in baseball).  Some might say the Giants do have superstars as they have a 2-time reigning Cy Young winner on their squad.  Yet in Game 1 it was the Rangers pitcher, Cliff Lee, who had never lost a post-season game that everyone was enamored with.  The thunderous power of Texas (where everything is big) is supposed to overwhelm the Team of Misfit Boys, the Little Train that Could, the San Francisco Giants.  I venture to guess if the Giants go on to win the World Series, there will be some tough decisions to pick the MVP. This team is truly a team and everyone will have contributed largely in their own way.  No superstars.  The pitcher who makes $18MM/year was even left off the playoff roster (Barry Zito).  A team has no room for superstars.  Maybe that is the message this team will send around baseball

Oh yes, particles or magic.  Was it particles or magic that Joe Montana introduced the Giants starting lineup on National TV before Game 2?  Was it particles or Magic that has all that crazy electronic trance music stopped between innings and put the 45,000 people into a happy calmness by singing Lights by Journey with Steve Perry conducting from his seat?  Was it particles or magic that MLB told the Giants to leave RF Jose Guillen off the post-season roster because he is being investigated for drug -trafficking, forcing the Giants to use Cody Ross (the eventual NLCS MVP)?  Maybe its the particles from the aroma (which was definitely present at a baseball game that made it smell like a rock concert) brought on by the old hippies attending the game: Neil Young (CSNY), Jonathan Cain (Journey), David Crosby (CSNY), Lars Ullrich (Metallica), or Bob Weir (Grateful Dead) that prevented Ian Kinsler’s 5th inning hit from going over the fence.

I’m not sure what it is, but I am living in the moment thinking it is destiny.  It just feels right.  As I sat there singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” with my arm around my son right before the Giants would start their big rally in the 7th inning of Game 2, I remembered the NBA Basketball Championship I shared with my father, the Super Bowls with my dad, and the World Series championship we never got to have.  I’ll share it with my son instead and it will be just as sweet.  I know I’m not the only dad in San Francisco who feels this way.