“Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.”
― Lyndon B. Johnson
My parents always told me to say thank you and be thankful for all the things that are given to you. Often times this requires time for reflection of those things that have been given to you, but yet in business we are always told to be forward looking and to put things behind you. Old habits are hard to break. I’ve always been sentimental looking back at better days, but I think maybe its just about living in the now, not in the past or in the future. If you truly want to enjoy life, you have to live in the moment as it comes to you.
Today as I left my job of 3 years I tried to think ahead to the exciting new job I will be taking on in 2014. That said, I could not help, but turn my thoughts to 2 childhood friends who lost their children through horrific accidents this last week. When I asked the grandfather of one of the kids about how he was doing, he just told me to smell the roses and hold your children close. I watched the families of both of the deceased and was really moved by how each of these families could be so strong. In both cases the family asked friends to donate to the cause of others who were suffering.
It was such an unselfish move. I am sure they are all grieving privately, but from what I can tell both families enjoyed their children and celebrated the people they were and not what could have been or what they had been.
All of this reminds of the holiday season we are in. We must give thanks and then go forward to enjoy what we have. For those who wonder if having children is worth it? Yes, raising children is difficult, but there is nothing greater than the joy they provide on a daily basis. Sometimes the moments are simple. Other times they are inspirational, and other times they make you laugh so hard they are better than a movie…….
Get Bieber Fever
Over the weekend my family went out on a movie night and as we went shopping before the movie, my 11 year old daughter remarked that her 14 year old brother had not showered after basketball practice and smelled. So when her brother wasn’t watching, while we were at Target, she sprayed him with the perfume tester of Justin Bieber’s, “Girlfriend”. before he realized what was going on. My daughter was beside herself with the ingenuity she displayed. My son, on the other hand, was not impressed with how beautiful he smelled.
As we sat eating popcorn during the previews in a half empty theater and attractive 20 something young lady entered the theater. I think every guy turned their head. The next thing you know she looks my son’s way, smiles, and not only decides to sit in our row, but picks the seat right next to him. Stunned, my son, daughter and I shrugged. The next thing I look at my phone. My daughter texted me, “She must have Bieber Fever”.
I did not stop laughing for 2 hours. I hardly remember the movie. The smile on my daughter’s face and he giggle was so priceless and a joyful noise that I cherished for the beautiful moment it was.
“When life kicks you, let it kick you forward” – Anonymous Brest Cancer Survivor
Thanksgiving always kicks me and reminds me about how thankful I am that the 2 most important women in my life survived breast cancer and more importantly inspire me every day.
Breast Cancer Awareness month (October) came and went again for my family last month. Between my mother and wife it is the 9th consecutive year that it has directly hit me (although indirectly through others as well). Last month was actually the magical 5 year cancerversary for my wife. It is a fictional celebration point in the timeline for a breast cancer patient. The chances are high that you’ve kicked the disease if you haven’t had a relapse. The journey has been so long, we almost forgot it. In fact when we went for my wife’s quarterly check with her medication, it didn’t even dawn on us. Cancer is like part of the family.
Going to visit the Diller Cancer Center is an eye opener and a reminder of our journey. As we walked through the Infusion Area where most people are getting their chemo, you just get grounded when you see all the drawn and tired faces. If I have to say one thing, if you ever have the chance to keep a friend or relative company when getting their infusion, please do. It is the hardest and loneliest part and no matter what they say, having you there is only a plus. I can only recall a handful husbands or dads ever sitting there with the woman getting her infusion in all the times I’ve been there. When I talk to other husbands, I always tell them to be there 3 times as much as you ever have been. You will never have that chance to show your love and how thankful you are for their being a part of your life. When life gives you hurdles, you just need to jump higher!
After the visit last month, I told my wife that sometimes I feel guilty that we’ve put the cancer behind us. She admitted she felt guilty for not celebrating the 5 year milestone. I told her maybe we haven’t forgotten but choose to push forward. That day we saw Dr. Deb Cohan. Deb chose to have the same surgery as my wife. They both are daughters of 2-time breast cancer survivors and thus were very pragmatic about their situations.
The video above is of Deb holding a little flash mob before her surgery at the Center. Ironically for me it is the first time I’d seen the exact surgery room where my wife had her surgery. What spirit. We all fight through our fears and challenges in different ways. Deb got some flack for her celebration, but I think she chose to show her spirit externally to let people know what kind of fight she needed to put up. It is a great reminder to me of the fight and spirit my mother and wife have shown and continue to show me and my children every day.
Life is a battle no matter how you look at it. Approach it with zest and spirit even when facing your biggest fears.
Last Friday I was driving home early from a downtown meeting when I decided to take a slight detour to visit my mom. It was her birthday after all and I had yet to wish her a Happy Birthday. There was a risk though. She might not be home. My mother is not your ordinary mid-70s grandmother widow who sits at home in front of the television knitting sweaters for her grandchildren or even baking cookies for her neighbors. Catching my mother at home is like finding a gambler in his room in Vegas.
I was lucky. And she let me know it. I caught her on her iPad (I don’t even own one) checking out movie times and booking dinner reservations. “I’m going to dinner with Pat and Ford, then we’re going to see Oz, the Great Wizard, and then play cards. Want to come along?” Oh no I couldn’t burden my mother and drag down all her fun! The idea of dropping in on my “elderly mother” so she wouldn’t be lonely was preposterous. I was the lonely one looking for the comfort of knowing that she is perfectly fine.
“Thanks for the birthday wishes. What are you doing here?” she asked. I guess it was not obvious. My mom is so hip she would rather get a Facebook birthday post on her wall. She wouldn’t want me to waste paper or spend money on stamps.
We finally settled down as she showed me some of her new projects and she handed me some old papers that belonged to my dad. She became a little somber at the thought of my dad who has been gone for over 7 years now. “I miss James”, she said unprompted. I do too, but somehow I feel she’s moved on a little better than me and my siblings. My dad was the ultimate provider. I remember him visiting his 90-year-old mother in Chinatown after leaving his dental office downtown every day. He’d check in with her and she’d give him some strange Chinese medicine or dish to give to his family. A mother of 8 children who basically raised them herself in a small 1-bedroom apartment, she still looked after her own despite her son trying to take care of her. My dad married a similar woman.
My mom, after her brief, moment of reflection pulled out a map. “So when am I taking you guys to China?” My mom wants to introduce my wife and kids to their (kids, not wife) Asian ancestry. There is no other one better to do this. My parents used to leave us kids home and venture off to China where my dad would lead tours for a month at a time and come back with the very first Walkman ( you remember the one that you clipped to your belt and pull down your pants because it was so heavy?). I would have loved to have traveled with my grandfather to China, so giving my children the opportunity to do this with their only living Asian grandparent would be a real treat. Then she said continued, “Don’t worry your dad and I will pay.” Darn, there she goes trying to take care of me again when I am supposed to take care of her. Of course she had to bring in my departed dad into the picture. Yes, the great provider is still taking care of us from the heavens and she invoked his spirit knowing I would protest otherwise.
I told her we’d discuss money later, but she continued, “Your dad left me a nice pension, it’s okay, he worked 6 days a week for you kids, not for me. I’ll go to Disney with your sister and her family. Stop worrying about me.”
Worry? This is a 70-year-old lady world traveler who readily tells people her zodiac sign before she tells you her name. She’s a 10 year survivor of breast cancer, a widow, a grandmother of four, a sister to seven brothers, and avid sports fan. She then hands me a slip of paper. It is a list of chores (pick up the paper and water the flowers) “Don’t forget my itinerary. I leave for Burma on Friday.”
“What?” Okay, how many have people have a mom like my mom at her age saying that she is off to Burma?
“Remember Shelley? I’m going with her mom. She lost her husband last year and wants to go. It will be good for her. Did you know that Burma is one of the last countries to adopt the internet? In fact the Chairman of Google is going there as well to help explain to them.” There goes my mother telling me more about the internet than I already know. Needless to day, she will be the person I call when I have wireless router issues in my own home.
I remind her that Burma is a 3rd World country despite all the pictures of the great food that she will be eating. She shoves photo after photo in front of me as I tell her to watch herself. She’s not listening. I tell her that she doesn’t need her iPhone, but she tells me how she is going to load up the new Justin Timberlake album so she can listen to it on her trip. Suddenly I am 10 years old again and I’m getting a lecture from my father. Only this time it is my mom. She has taken over his role. She is the great provider.
“Erik, you have to stop worrying about me. I’ve survived cancer. I have a second chance. I’m not going to die without taking care of those around me. I have a second chance to give everyone my attention. I’m paying for your trip because I don’t want you and your wife to worry about the money. You have wonderful kids. You can’t be so thrifty that you don’t give your kids a great experience. I’m helping your uncle because he needs my help (her 60-year-old younger brother needs support and my mother checks on him weekly and gives him a small weekly allowance). Your dad (there she goes again invoking the spirit of the great provider) and I wanted you to have more than we had and now we want to help you give your kids more than you had.”
Damn, my mother is so right. I laugh at her strength. Her willpower and zest for life is amazing. She is the patron saint of positive attitude. Sometimes I think she is so naive. I think she thinks her eldest son is too jaded. She knows I’m going to worry about her on her trip, but reads my mind, “Don’t worry, will you stop? The worst thing that will happen to your mother on this trip is that I will burn my mouth on all those spicy foods.”
She gives me a big hug and we go on to talk about me, my kids, my family, her family, my friends, her friends, and what seems like her expected travel itinerary for the next decade. Maybe she should join Dennis Rodman on his next trip to North Korea. Two hours go by and I’m now late for dinner with my family, but I suddenly feel like my dad and his mother as she gives me a bag full of cookies and teas, and other assorted refrigerated products to bring home, “I don’t want these to be sitting around while I’m gone.”
The next evening we go out to dinner to celebrate her birthday and my daughter’s birthday. Like the way she will suddenly disappear and travel to the other side of the world, my brother-in-law notices she is trying to pay for her own birthday dinner. She is frustrated when her intercepts and stops her. When she gets back to the table, she’s not happy. I smile at her and she tells me that we are all like our father. I smile back and tell her that she is like him too. The great provider.
It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. ~A. Bartlett Giamatti, “The Green Fields of the Mind,” Yale Alumni Magazine, November 1977
For 53 years and 53 teams, baseball broke the hearts of San Franciscans, but tonight an improbable team ended years of frustration and enhanced the love of a sport and 25 guys who worked as one. As their management and the team tried to convey, the victory was for a city, for fans, for past players and for past generations. The atmosphere has been electric for the last month. You could feel how badly people wanted this one and perhaps needed it.
Torture was the word of the year to describe this team, but it really wasn’t one year. It was 53 years. A team of underdogs, a team of misfits, a team that nobody ever believed had a chance, was the team that everyone fell in love with. The team with a rich history of Hall of Famers had its most successful season with a bunch of no-names. In the future, many will not remember some of the names that helped to bring San Francisco it’s first baseball championship. As I mentioned previously, the City of San Francisco loves its champions, but more they love their champions who do it the right way. The 2010 San Francisco Giants did it the right way. There will be many who say they knew this team had it from day 1, but if they tell you that, they are liars. A team of misfits, discards from other teams, showed the world what teamwork is all about. They have said repeatedly this post-season that the most talented team doesn’t always win. It’s the team that plays the best that wins. As late as the beginning of August this team was in 4th place and 7 or 8 games out of 1st place, but the team showed how baseball is a parallel to life. You work hard, you keep grinding, and you never stop believing.
Nick and I Fear the Beard!
As a San Francisco native I am overwhelmed. There are hundreds of thousands and perhaps millions of natives who grew up in the same generation as me, who had moms or dads that introduced them to baseball at Candlestick Park or Seals Stadium and had to wait their whole lives. Everyone has their own unique story. There are many people like me who wish the dad that introduced them to the sport were here to enjoy and celebrate with them. Yes baseball is just a game, but it is America’s past time. It is like life itself. Unlike those in New York who have 27 Championships, this is San Francisco’s first. For those who have waited their whole lives for this day, it is a day to be savored. Hopefully it won’t be 53 years until another championship is won. Those who had seen things go wrong in the past know the heartache and how sweet this victory is. This will not be taken for granted. It will be cherished. It will be savored. The team itself reminded everyone of the history of the organization. It reminded those not old enough about the heartaches of the 3 previous attempts at the World Championship. It reminded me of the great history of San Francisco, and it reminded me of all the great things the City has to offer. The team helped me to teach my son about all the great history and people that built this City. My son saw Joe Montana, Bob Weir, Steve Perry, Danny Glover, and a slew of other celebrities from the area cheering for the team just like him. Somewhere around the 7th inning of Game 2 he started to grasp the gravity of the situation and understood the passion around the desire to win the whole thing. A World Series victory would be the beginning of a big healing process.
There is an old adage in baseball that as Spring Training begins, hope always springs eternal. No matter what I am always optimistic about the Giant’s chances. This year I wasn’t. I really felt this team didn’t have what it would take. It shows how life is so unpredictable, how what is perceived could also be deceiving. Baseball and life are unpredictable and just when you least expect it, it will serve you up a surprise.
Growing up watching Mays, Marichal, Perry, Cepeda, McCovey, Clark, Mitchell, Speier, Fuentes and all it is amazing this team has accomplished something that those other teams couldn’t. No heroes, just a bunch of blue collar ballplayers. Fortunately for me I was able to share a little bit with my own son and helped him to understand how unique an experience this is and how unique this team is. Attending the last game played at home and also participating in the Opening Ceremonies of Game 2 of the World Series was not only a unique experience, but it was the creation of a memory that he will keep forever. Having my son tell me, “I will never ever forget this day” was a highlight for me. I remember when my dad took me to see Ed Halicki’s no-hitter back in the late-70s as if it were yesterday. I know my son will be thinking the same even 30 years from now.
Carrying the US Flag
It is only fitting that Edgar Renteria, a player that is at the end of his career and contemplating retirement was the MVP of the series. He spent many months on the bench, has a torn muscle in his arm, yet was one of the many heroes in the end. Hard work, determination and a never say die attitude, were Edgar’s message to all. It’s one we should all learn to employ in life.
I am speechless to say the least. I am more choked up than anything else. The memory of all those who never got to see this day, but taught us to love this team, this City, and the game of baseball would be proud of the 2010 World Champion San Francisco Giants. They were not only a team of destiny, but true deserving champions in every sense of the word. A team of misfits who fit perfectly together.
As I write this, there is honking and hollering in the streets. The younger generations are celebrating in the bars and dancing in the streets, but I know there are many like me also sitting at home with not so dry eyes thinking of those who never got to see this but helped us to appreciate this moment. They taught us how to “love the laundry” (as Seinfeld calls it). Such a bittersweet time in San Francisco.
The much maligned announcer, Joe Buck, said it best….”America’s Most Beautiful City now owns Baseball’s Sweetest Accomplishment”.
The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living.
– George Clooney, Up in the Air
It’s irnoic that line is the one that will be remembered most from the first big movie in 2010 or in this decade. Maybe that is why I’m running so much these days.
The new decade is here and what a decade the last one was. It is easy to look just back at 2009, but that would be a short-sighted and very depressing one. Wrought with health issues and a world economic crisis, even looking back 2 years might not even be what we need to be able to look back on the past decade with perspective. As I ran down 2009 through a series of runs through the Streets of San Francisco I tried to reflect a little on the past year, but kept pulling more memories out . As I looked farther back, I began to realize that I didn’t just need resolutions for the coming year (don’t like resolutions anyway). I needed to look ahead to the whole next decade! I haven’t written in a bit just because I wasn’t sure as to what to say as the thoughts kept flooding in. “Just put it to paper and let the rhythm flow without thinking” (to paraphrase the words of the lead character in Finding Forrester). So as I put my running shoes and headphones on and listened to my new favorite song, Good Life by One Republic, what I saw was a past that is shaping our future in new ways and some that we could never have imagined.
There’s so much to think about when looking back and trying to eliminate the macro-factors of societal changes and focus on only the things you really can control. For me it was about family, health, work, and friends. How can I proactively move towards making sure I better control these issues in the new decade.
In order to look ahead at the next decade and what it should look like for me, I found myself back in time in 1999 as we were selling our house and i was getting back into the venture business. Yeah, remember the Y2K craze and how much were were going to have to evolve when the computers came crashing down? It was a whole cottage industry for a doom and gloom that never came. We’re still here though. I think I had 3 jobs this past decade and hopefully won’t do that much switching in the next decade. I would never have expected in 1999 that I would end up doing what I do today, but my current job is one I’ve been at longer than any before. Is this my legacy?
Personally in 1999 I was a new dad in San Francisco wondering how I could move to a bigger place in the suburbs. Well we did do that, but we moved back to San Francisco. Not before we became ice cream moguls leaving a mark with a franchise in Marin County as well as purchasing another one in San Francisco. Anyway, now I’m a seasoned dad with a 10 year old and a 7 year old. So what does that mean? At the end of this decade I will just about be an empty nester as my two kids will hopefully be off to college. It doesn’t leave much time for me to think about how to afford their education and prepare for how I will prepare for my retirement if something like that would ever exist for me. If I thought my children dominated my life this past decade it will surely be a decade of building what will be a lifelong relationship. Maybe I shouldn’t even mention retirement as it won’t happen until after 2020 for sure.
The past decade also came with health issues as well. Losing a parent (which I could have predicted as my dad was already in poor health) was hard to take but reminded me of how important a parent-child relationship is and how fortunate I was to have my children meet their grandfather and develop a deep relationship with my own mother. Emotional preparation for the potential loss of another grandparent in this decade would be something I could easily see in my future. Cancer was something I never would have expected to be part of the last decade. In fact it was a large part with my mother and then followed by my wife and friends. Bad Health is never something you really plan or prepare for. I don’t know how much the next decade will be interrupted by health issues but age will not come without some aches and pains for sure. I have already started preparing myself. The last two years of training have built my stamina to a high level. I maybe not as strong or fast as I used to be, but if not getting sick at all for the past 18 months is any indication, I’ve definitely been fortunate in keeping healthy and maybe if I just keep moving…..
I don’t need to write much about friends and extended family and my expectations there given some recent posts, but this past decade has been about revitalizing past relationships. I only expect that to continue. It seems to be a natural processs as you get older and start to reminisce about times gone by. These are the people who will remind you about your past someday so its probably good to keep them close so that they remember it accurately. For sure their memories are already declining, not to mention their deteriorating eye sight. It just makes me wondering as the baby boomers will be moving into their 50s and 60s, will those people still be wanting to deal with small screens on their cell phones and buttons that don’t work well with arthritic fingers? Remember that this decade started with us using PDAs with a stylus. Now we just push things around with our thumbs. Will everything be voice-activated over the next decade? Will we see the first wave of brain cancer resulting from overuse of cell phones?
We now have a black President. Will the next decade bring a female President? An Asian President? A Hispanic President? A Gay one? Maybe 2 of those. We talk about national security as getting tighter given the terrorism that has started in the US. Is it possible this could get worse? Will the idea of being “green” work. What would people have thought if you used that term back in 1999? They would have thought you wanted to be a vegetarian and were giving up meat. For me all of this just heightens the urgency to show my kids parts of the world that they might never ever get the chance to see or at least the way they could see it today. The world is changing rapidly. How fast? The eco-system even in the SF Bay area was so drastic that one minute the sea lions that inhabit our piers had peaked at over 2 thousand last November yet today there are about 6. The plankton and the water temperatures have caused them all to move to areas up North where they can find more herring. A migration that grew over a 20 year period just disappeared in a matter of months. Will Alaska still be cold in 2020? Will there still be arctic glaciers?
As I continue my running regimen I’m not running from the past but running toward the future. It isn’t necessarily a bright one or even a better decade than the past. It will have its own challenges and we can only prepare ourselves for what will be more of the same yet with more intensity. Of course, we have a chance to shape our own path by planning it before the future comes and dictates our actions.
Perhaps while this decade might not mark the beginning of a new millenium that it might end up being much more important than the past decade This may be the decade where we take control of our destiny and start to dictate what history will be. Maybe Live Strong won’t be an attitude for fighting cancer, but to beat Father Time and prevent him from catching us.
For me the answer is to not prepare for the end, but prepare for the future. Don’t look back too far, but just remember to keep looking forward so that what you left behind stays there and what you want to take with you in the future moves with you. For me that is simple. 10 years from now I want to be standing there proudly with my wife at my side as we watch our son thrive in college as he prepares for the real world and a career of his choosing and our daughter moves off to college strongly independent such that her parents will know that she is prepared for that next stage of her life. Me? I’ll be cleaning out their bedrooms figuring out how I can convert their rooms into my own 3D home theater and 24 hr. fitness club.
So I’ve been tryin’ ta slow it down
I’ve been tryin’ ta take it in
In this here today, gone tomorrow world we’re livin’ in
– Kenny Chesney’s Don’t Blink
A year has now passed since that day I walked in and found my wife sitting at the kitchen table and she calmly told me that her doctor had found a lump. You would think that will all of this upheaval that this is the year that could have seemed like it would have taken forever but it hasn’t. While it has been filled with surgeries and hardships, we’ve tried to fill it with other events and highlights to mix it up. The journey was tough but before we knew it we were through a surgery, on to recovery, back in to surgery, more recovery, etc. Three surgeries later and we still have at least one more, but we are moving on.
It is hard to move on though, because we have to respect where we’ve been. As part of our 15th anniversary, we spent some time away and took the time to reflect on the past year. You’d think that in a lifetime that this would be a throwaway year and one that you would want to chalk up as one you sweep under the rug and forget, but we agreed that our love grew for each other and our respect for each other and for ourselves grew as well. When your relationship takes a step forward you don’t throw out that year. So while in some ways the scars are still fresh and the dull aches are right there to remind us of what we’ve been through, the year has gone by some immensely fast. We’ve actually have done quite a lot and accomplshed quite a bit. I think it is because we didn’t procrastinate and sweat the little things. We just went for it even if we had to stretch a little further to get there. That said, time might have flown but we must have aged somehow.
I had to laugh this morning when I went to grab one of those Sunday-Saturday pill boxes to take a Centrum cardio pill. My wife told me I was grabbing the wrong one. I was grabbing the PM pill box and not the AM box. Last year we had no pill boxes and now we have one for AM and for PM! We sure get old and become our parents in a hurry! We had just had this conversation with some old classmates at a 30 year grammar school reunion. We were all complaining of aches and pains (everyone looked pretty good quite frankly) and it turns out several of my classmates also had gone through breast cancer recently. At the same time several others were now in their early forties and still having babies. Amazing. early 40s is not too young to be having breast cancer and still not too old to be having babies. Makes you scratch your head.
Meanwhile the beat goes on. My wife is prepping for another follow up surgery at the end of the summer yet stiill undergoing her monthly examinations and her clinical trial. They found some small indications of early osteoperosis but luckily her clinical trial has her taking medication to increase bone density. This is so crazy what they can find these days.
Speaking of aging I spoke with Dr. Ken Dychtwald, the reknowned gerontologist, today. We were talking about the recent rash of celebrity deaths and he reminded me that in previous generations these people would have died 15-20 years earlier but with the extended lifespan we are all enjoying through the miracles of modern medicine and science that instead of deaths happening ‘in threes” we will be seeing deaths in larger groups. “There are just simply going to be more people dying every day,” he said. I nodded and he smiled and continued, “That is why we live life harder every day. The secret to living longer is to live happier!” That coming from a man who gets remarried to his wife every year. to renew his vows.
So I’ve been tryin’ ta slow it down
I’ve been tryin’ ta take it in
In this here today, gone tomorrow world we’re livin’ in
– Kenny Chesney’s Don’t Blink
A year has now passed since that day I walked in and found my wife sitting at the kitchen table and she calmly told me that her doctor had found a lump. You would think that will all of this upheaval that this is the year that could have seemed like it would have taken forever but it hasn’t. While it has been filled with surgeries and hardships, we’ve tried to fill it with other events and highlights to mix it up. The journey was tough but before we knew it we were through a surgery, on to recovery, back in to surgery, more recovery, etc. Three surgeries later and we still have at least one more, but we are moving on.
It is hard to move on though, because we have to respect where we’ve been. As part of our 15th anniversary, we spent some time away and took the time to reflect on the past year. You’d think that in a lifetime that this would be a throwaway year and one that you would want to chalk up as one you sweep under the rug and forget, but we agreed that our love grew for each other and our respect for each other and for ourselves grew as well. When your relationship takes a step forward you don’t throw out that year. So while in some ways the scars are still fresh and the dull aches are right there to remind us of what we’ve been through, the year has gone by some immensely fast. We’ve actually have done quite a lot and accomplshed quite a bit. I think it is because we didn’t procrastinate and sweat the little things. We just went for it even if we had to stretch a little further to get there. That said, time might have flown but we must have aged somehow.
I had to laugh this morning when I went to grab one of those Sunday-Saturday pill boxes to take a Centrum cardio pill. My wife told me I was grabbing the wrong one. I was grabbing the PM pill box and not the AM box. Last year we had no pill boxes and now we have one for AM and for PM! We sure get old and become our parents in a hurry! We had just had this conversation with some old classmates at a 30 year grammar school reunion. We were all complaining of aches and pains (everyone looked pretty good quite frankly) and it turns out several of my classmates also had gone through breast cancer recently. At the same time several others were now in their early forties and still having babies. Amazing. early 40s is not too young to be having breast cancer and still not too old to be having babies. Makes you scratch your head.
Meanwhile the beat goes on. My wife is prepping for another follow up surgery at the end of the summer yet stiill undergoing her monthly examinations and her clinical trial. They found some small indications of early osteoperosis but luckily her clinical trial has her taking medication to increase bone density. This is so crazy what they can find these days.
Speaking of aging I spoke with Dr. Ken Dychtwald, the reknowned gerontologist, today. We were talking about the recent rash of celebrity deaths and he reminded me that in previous generations these people would have died 15-20 years earlier but with the extended lifespan we are all enjoying through the miracles of modern medicine and science that instead of deaths happening ‘in threes” we will be seeing deaths in larger groups. “There are just simply going to be more people dying every day,” he said. I nodded and he smiled and continued, “That is why we live life harder every day. The secret to living longer is to live happier!” That coming from a man who gets remarried to his wife every year. to renew his vows.
If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you. ~ T-Alan Armstrong, Author
I started writing this in my small free time the other day as I flew between San Francisco and Los Angeles. As usual for me I got myself engaged and absorbed in a conversation with a young couple telling me about the wonderful 5 days they had just spent in Mexico visiting some fascinating places so I am finishing this blog entry at home . It sure beat sitting there in my cramped seat with my computer open for an hour. Sometimes no matter how hard we try we get caught forgetting to look around, observe, learn, listen, absorb and act in a way that shows we respect and enjoy the life we have.
This young couple had a passion in their voice as they talked about their vacation. It hit home with the topic of this post that I had been thinking about. Lately as I have been running at night I’ve come across a greater understanding of what motivates me and keeps me motivated. I’ve always been passionate about wanting certain things in my life, but at the same time I can get myself into a rhythm in life that can get me into a bit of a daze. Rhythms can be good, but they can also lull us to sleep. I suddenly woke up this week and realized it got away from me. I hadn’t been collecting my thoughts, I had been ignoring what was important to me, and I wasn’t enjoying myself. Stress can do that and when you are just rolling along you sometimes need to hit a bump in the road to wake you from your slumber before you drive off the road. Albeit, paying property taxes, filing income taxes, preparing for a presentation this past week and for next week can be distracting and took me away from my ability to focus on life’s pleasures and little things.
I’ve been getting asked recently about my running and odd hours. It is true I don’t sleep much. I find that the it isn’t about how much I sleep, but the consistency of my hours. Sleeping more will throw me into as much of a funk as sleeping less. If 5 hours is all I need, then if I train my body that way, I can function very easily on 5 hours. Even the other morning I had the oddest exerience as I woke up on my own at 3:30am without the help of an alarm. I opened my eyes and heard nothing. I sat there for 5 minutes staring at the ceiling and didn’t even hear a car go by or even the hum of a refrigerator, heater, etc. For a second I almost thought I was dead. More like dead tired as I somehow made my way to the airport for a 6am flight. But that is how life goes these days. My body is on automatic. I can make my body run 5 miles and it monitors its own pace 9 minute mile followed by 8:30 minute mile, followed by 8 min. followed by another 8 and then a 7:30 pace. At first I used to look at my iPod to monitor and now I can just run and my body goes on autopilot. Some people might look at my time and wonder why I always start slow and speed up. I think it has always been my running style to start early at a moderate pace and develop a rhythm and build endurance or power. I was always the way I ran when younger and I find that is what I do in my everyday life with work, problem solving, playing with my kids, etc. Its about getting into a state of mind that you can be happy with and not have to think about. Establish a pace and then power through my tasks with endurance.When I ran in school I used to start off near the back and then slowly pass the runners as the race wore on.
For me when I develop a pattern or rhythm with your life, the rest can come easier. That is where the passion comes in. For me my running is now no longer something I have to think about. When I run all I think about is what I want to do and what I need out of life. Yes, what are my passions. What am I running to and what am I running from on my nightly jaunts are my passions in life: my wife, my family, and yes, sometimes even my work thoughts and ideas can come freely. I run from my work politics and crazy commute drivers and I run to my wife and children as well as the freedom to observe things, gather lifes lessons and share in many of life’s pleasures
My wife has needed some cheering lately and I’ve been knocking myself out trying to keep her happy, keep the kids distracted and staying in rhythm. Part of that lulling rhythm I had fallen into was that is okay. I think physically she is okay. She is not necessarily pleased with the outcome from a cosmetic view. I don’t think many people look at their bodies after surgery and can ever be totally pleased. It will never be exactly the same. Of course, she’s happy that the cancer is gone. We all are.
Tomorrow is a new day, the weekend, a chance to keep the rhythm and pursue our passions.
And with that I am off to another run tonight. I will run to my passions and run away from the distractions of life that keep me away from those passions. The song at the top of this entry is part of my mantra right now and one of the songs I listen to when running with my iPod.
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back – Chinese proverb
Crossing the Golden Gate
This weekend I was driving across the Golden Gate Bridge early in the morning and listening to John Legend’s “This Time”. It was a crisp morning and we were on our way to our son’s basketball game. It was a family moment with our two children in the back seat, but as my wife turned up the volume and sang along, it became her moment and we all listened. It is hard to explain the feeling when you listen to someone is appreciating what they have and is inspired by their own journey. My wife never has been one to turn up the volume, but the song and the beauty of the morning sun gleaming off one of our country’s iconic monuments probably hit her. I quickly captured the moment with my camera phone.
During the game I pulled out a copy of “This Time’s A Charm”, a book that I’m reading by Don Wilhelm, 4 time cancer survivor. I’ll be part of his Book Blog tour which I will be part of during the beginning of March. Don shows the power of positive thinking. He does not claim it will heal all people, but I personally believe it affects those around you to see such a strong attitude when things are at their lowest. I will write more about the book in the future, but I sat next to one of the other dads on the team. He has lymphoma and has been suffering for three years and I know it has taken a toll on his family and his life. I’ve asked myself if I should offer the book to him to read, but it is not my place.
Back to my wife we took the weekend in stride and went after life. We fixed things in the house like the broken lighting in our bathroom. We also arranged our next vacation, played with our kids and let them help decide where we should go next. We want to expand their life experiences while they are young and innocent. Our lives are touched and we are grateful for all that we have. Despite my wife’s positive prognosis and people telling her how inspired they are by how she has responded, she has (and so do I) felt that her battle is nothing compared to what others have been through or are going through. This weekend my wife heard from an online friend who has the same physicians and it always reminds her that she is one of many and that her struggle is still ongoing. At the same time we heard from my wife’s brother than he and his wife are having their second child, a girl, this summer. Along with my inlaw’s 50th wedding anniversary, this is shaping up to be a pretty eventful summer!
Tonight we watched the 60 Minutes special of local hero Chesley Sullenberger, the captain of US Airways flt 1549 that landed safely in the Hudson River with all 155 passengers and crew surviving. He said in the interview that he didn’t think what he did should be warranting so much praise, but he understands the gratitude and is still learning how his actions can be so lauded even though what happened to him is something he had always wanted to avoid (losing a plane). It is so amazing that what this guy did was such a success and textbook yet he felt so bad and questioned his actions as to whether he could have done better. To me that is the parallel. This man is just trying to make his path, his road down life and yet everyone is looking to him as an inspiration. It isn’t just the 155 lives he saved that day, but all the people who were inspired by him and all the lives he affected through the relatives of those 155 people who are still alive today.
For me this week the road will continue and I will look forward to hearing and observing new stories that help me navigate this world and help me educate my children as to the importance of living life to the fullest.
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
— Winston Churchill
The Santa Monica Boardwalk this evening
I have always sought inspiration through true life stories. I guess I never thought it would come from my life partner.
Those who know me and see me every day will tell you that over the past year I’ve lost over 10 pounds, ran over 1200 miles last year and can run a 5k faster than I did 20+ years ago when I was in highschool and college. That might seem trivial to those who exercise daily, but ever since I’ve graduated from high school I never had the drive for long periods of time to work out religiously and take care of myself. Why now? How do you find that kind of drive?
Last year when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer I was down, but my wife told me to make sure I kept running. The week after she was diagnosed I remember watching Forrest Gump with my children and there is this scene where his love, Jenny tells him, “If you ever get in trouble, don’t try and be brave. Just run.” There is a scene where Forrest doesn’t know what to do and starts running. I’ve been doing the same, although I ran with purpose. My wife is my inspiration.
We all get inspired by bigger than life stories. The pilot who saved 155 people by landing his plane in the Hudson, the new President who is breaking many barriers, the man who risked his life to save an unconscious mom and her two toddlers from a burning home, etc. Sometimes we see movies like the first one I ever saw called “Brian’s Song” that had cancer involved and get inspired for the moment or for a period of time.
But when we live with someone who inspires you on a daily basis it changes you. My wife has to take pills every day, get shots once a month and every day think that there still might be a cancer in her body that might come back to haunt her. Yet every day, she kisses me, makes breakfast, smiles and goes about her work. All those pills, shots and everyday worries are not something she shares with me unless I ask. I don’t ask because I want her to feel like life is as normal as can be as that is the way she wants to live it every once in a while. She wants to put away that she is a Cancer Survivor. She doesn’t want to be treated like she’s handicapped. How can you not be inspired when the person who shares a bed with you every night does so with smile on her face. She’s had two surgeries and is staring a third in the face, yet she is wanting to bring it on. She’s had 14 hours of anaesthesia in less than 6 months. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have those hours missing from my memory.
The other night she caught me staring at her sleeping before I went to bed. I wanted to soak in her peacefulness, her beauty and my appreciation for her to still be with me and our children. She asked me if anything was wrong and I just smiled and she gave me that knowing kiss that all wives will give when they know you appreciate them. It’s the same kiss you get when you stand before all your friends and family the day you get married and state your love for each other.
Today I am off away on business again. Away from my family. It hurts to be away knowing my wife is still not 100% yet, but she’d not want it any other way. Tonight I had a chance to visit the Santa Monica Boardwalk (see photo). I told my business partner (no offense) that I wished it was my wife with me instead. She deserved this sunset on this beautiful evening more than I did.
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Route 53 - Enjoying Life's Joy Ride 