Category Archives: Breast Cancer – A Loving Fight

Our battle with breast cancer

Back in a Familiar Place

23 Monday Mar 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.”

-Brian Tracy

So here I am again waiting in the 3rd floor waiting room of the UCSF Mt. Zion cancer clinic as my wife goes into surgery for the third time in 6 months. It is a very familiar place although it has memories that I’d rather forget. Yes it is a bit easier and the procedure (that is what we call it for children so as not to alarm them) is less serious than the first two.  When my wife was first diagnosed with cancer almost 8 months ago I never imagined the path we’d take and where we are today while better than possibly imagined is not one of the many scenarios that ever ran through my head.  We’ve learned to appreciate what life has given us and to that we can’t control everything.

The venue and many of the faces are still the same here at the hospital although some things have changed or at least the first two times I was too distracted to worry about.  Over in one corner of the waiting room is a wife (I think) who is trying to hold back her tears.  She looks as if she is in her 70s or so and is elegantly dressed with a hat ( this should be definitely designated as a chapeau).  She has a lot of makeup on and you can tell she was raised in an era and with parents who told her that if she were to go out, she always needed to dress to impress.  Everyone else is sitting in here talking on cell phones and updating their loved ones, reading outdated magazines or sleeping upright waiting for their name to be called.   Of note is that Lance Armstrong and His Ride for Hope took a serious spill today as he broke his collar bone in a fall.  Also, the television overhead in the waiting room is showing photos of Liam Neeson and his two teenage sons  at the funeral of their wife and mother, actress Natasha Richardson.  The grief and sorrow are the images I had imagined for myself 6 months ago.  As I said, you just don’t know what direction life is going to point you.  You just have to take it as it comes sometimes.

As we walked into the hospital a couple hours ago I noticed we both had a bit of a smile on our faces.  We even joked a little with the admissions staff.  But what made it even more noticeable was that we ran into one of the other mom’s from our kid’s school who was just coming down from her pre-op appointment before her breast cancer surgery tomorrow.  The two mom’s hugged and I shook the husband’s hand.  Very quiet and private people (he’s a physician himself) we could see their worry and concern on their faces. We kept the conversation brief and wished each other luck as we needed to stay on time.  My wife even had a moment to discuss a play date for our two sons in the next week while she rested.  How odd is that? My wife and I got up to the room and talked about the chance meeting.  “That was us 6 months ago”.   The other couple noted that this was our third time through and mentioned how they hope this would be their only surgery.  We only hope that we showed a positive attitude and a good outlook in the face of surgery.   

That is what it is about, isn’t it?  A positive outlook?  Last night my wife even asked for a hall pass to get out and have a drink and chat with a girlfriend.  I said of course.  I mean how many other women go out and do that the night before their surgery.  The first two times my wife needed Ativan to calm her nerves and get to sleep.  This time she was ready and not worried.  I almost forgot she was having surgery when I woke up this morning.

Speaking of positive outlooks we were talking about the short term memory of our own son.  He had a bad offensive game the day before with the “hat trick” (three strikeouts) in his first little league game this season.  Although just 9 he is playing with 11 year olds twice his size and at least held his own defensively.  Other kids out there were crying when they missed a ball and we were worried that our own son was going to be deflated.  After the game I asked how he felt. “Hungry”, was his response.  And after another pause he smiled, “Don’t worry dad, I’m not going to strike out everytime.”  I laughed and he smiled back.  Here I was worried about him and he was telling me not to worry. I can’t wait til he’s 30 and able to take care of me and tell me not to worry.

Has it been 6 months?  Yep.  The timeline:

Breast Cancer Diagnosis: 7/27/08

Bilateral Skin Sparing Mastectomy: 9/9/08

Beginning of clinical Trial: 12/1/08

Exchange Surgery: 12/12/08

Revision Surgery: 3/23/09

It seems like it has been a long time but 6 months really have just vanished from our lives.  At the same time our love has grown enormously and so has the maturity of our children.  Even moreso as a couple, our respect for life and the people we meet in life’s journey has grown.  We can only hope to enrich our lives by challenging it, embracing it and finding joy whenever it is presented to us.

Thanks to modern medicine we’ll be able to continue this journey in a couple days.  I think it is amazing that within 24 hours after I get my wife home, she should be back to normal.  She’ll be stiff with limited mobility, but most importantly she’ll be here for our children, for me and for her friends.

A Little Spring In Our Step

21 Saturday Mar 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

“Spring is Nature’s way of saying, “Let’s Party” – Robin Williams, comedian

The first day of spring and hope was in the air.  It is always a day where I start to see hope for people (of course the stock market took a bit of a hit yeesterday after a rally so not all is good).  More importantly personally we waited for my wife’s results from her BRCA test.  This test is to see if my wife has an abnormal  BRCA gene which indicates a higher probability of having ovarian cancer.  It has been found that those who have breast cancer and the BRCA are more likely to have ovarian cancer.

The average woman (without an inherited breast cancer gene abnormality) in the United States has about a 12% risk of developing breast cancer over a 90-year life span.  In contrast, women who have an abnormal BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene have up to an 85% risk of developing breast cancer by age 70.  Women with BRCA1 and BRCA2 abnormalities are also at increased risk of developing ovarian cancer. The lifetime risk is about 55% for women with BRCA1 mutations and about 25% for women with BRCA2 mutations.  By comparison, about 1.8% of women without an inherited BRCA abnormality get ovarian cancer. The risk for certain other cancers may also be higher with BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutations. But these risk increases (for cancers such skin or digestive tract) are much lower than the increases in risk for breast and ovarian cancer.

This cloud has been hanging over our heads since last July, but obviously the figth with breast cancer came first.  The thought of another surgery (given that we are having revision surgery on Monday) just isn’t something we wanted to consider right now.  Well the results came and my wife is negative which is a relief and slightly expected since her mother was negative.  It is quite possible though that since my mother had cancer that I could have pass it along to my daughter but we can’t test her until she is old enough and the oncologists said that she doesn’t need to be tested until she is 30 or so.  Amazingly we shared the news via phone, talked about it for 2 minutes and then went back about our business.  No celebrating, no hugs, no kisses.  Just another hurdle that we’ve met and jumped over without incident.  No doubt though, this was a big deal.  Nobody wants to mess with their ovaries in their 40s.  My mother-in-law had hers taken out in her 50s and I think psychologically it is a tough transition and although she is fine and have never really talked to her about it, it is something that affects you more mentally than physically.  I know my wife was not wanting to follow that route.

We even remarked at here we are concerned about cancer and how in current events today, Natasha Richardson, a beautiful actress our age could have an innocent fall and one day later be lost to her family.  People always say. “What if you got hit by a truck tomorrow…”.  Well this is just one more reason to focus on living life to the fullest and not worry about every detail.

So with that Spring in our step I took the time to get out for a walk for lunch yesterday.  A beautiful day for San Francisco with crisp clear skies, I sucked in the air, walked by the Martin Luther King Memorial fountain and pool in Yerba Buena Gardens where people were sunbathing, and read his quotes about his dreams.  I passed by two Japanese tourists with matching “Have a Nice Day” T-shirts with those yellow Happy faces.

For those who remember the 70’s a vision of the ubiquitous yellow “happy face” is burned into memory. From every direction this cheerful circular icon extolled us to “have a nice day” and none of us was curmudgeonly enough to not strive for compliance.   Along with “Hey the Fonz”, my OJ Simpson football jersey, my Willie Mays jersey and my Farrah Fawcett t-shirt, my “Have a Nice Day” t-shirt was part of my t-shirt rotation that I wore every day after tearing off my school uniform.  I was even part of the lunchbag brigade that had white lunchbags with the yellow smiley face which read “HAND” (Have A Nice Day).  Instead of the graffiti we see today, you saw Yello Smiley face stickers everywhere.  You couldn’t escape it.   My dad loved those lunch bags.

After a while they started having different sayings on those lunch bags and then it started getting expensive to just buy those lunch bags.   Eventually my parents got economical (or cheap) and started going to brown paper bags for lunch that they’d expect me to use at least 10 times before they would retire it.  Every night my dad would write a new saying on the bag.  Something inspirational , but mostly something that our friends would snicker at like: “Take care of your body”, “Listen to your teachers”, “Share with your friends” or “Be humble as pie”.  Needless to say, we’d hide our lunch bags from the view of our classmates, but once they knew it was all over.  As funny or corny as it was, I obviously remember it fondly and maybe it is something I should do with my children by leaving a little message for them each day.   Just seeing my daughter roll her eyes or seeing the funny smirk on my son’s face as he reads each message will be priceless.

Yes, hope springs eternal and the first days of Spring not only bring new energy and new dreams, but remind us of old ones that we need to renew.

March Madness – The Human Spirit

18 Wednesday Mar 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ Leave a comment

How do you go from where you are to where you wanna be? And I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal. And you have to be willing to work for it. –
Jim Valvano, ex-coach NC State and founder of the V Foundation 

Before I begin with today’s post, please indulge me for a second.  In a continuation of yesterday’s post I was hit, by one of the new employees at my company with the question of “Where do you get your dry cleaning done?”  I told her that we lived far apart and that my dry cleaner, despite the “secret Chinese discount” she offers me would not be worth the 5 mile drive for $1 per shirt.  She looked at me stunned and told me she pays $6 per shirt for her “Green Cleaners”  $6 per shirt!!!  Are you kidding?!!  The only thing green about that is the money laundering they are doing there!!!  I’d rather throw out the shirt and buy a new one!

Has this world gone mad?  I promise not to go on an AIG tirade. It serves no purpose.

Of course this time of year is when American sports fans go crazy with their college basketball brackets.  I’m no different ever since my high school chemistry teacher got us hooked.  It became more of an addiction when my wife went to business school at Duke University which along with UNC combine to make March Madness an annual tradition.

The pageantry and the emotional ups and downs of each year though pale in comparison to the lifelong lessons that have come out of this Men’s basketball Tournament.  While Duke, UNC, Kansas, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisville and UCLA have combined to win 37 of the 70 championships, to me nothing has defined March Madness and the popularity of the tournament as the stories about those underdogs and especially those underdogs who showed us what heart and emotion can bring to any situation.

The quote for today’s blog comes from Jim Valvano, the coach of the 1983 Championship which many will claim was one of the two greatest upsets in NCAA Championship game history (the Villanova perfect game against Georgetown being the other).  More memorable than the dramatic last second victory was Jim Valvano’s crazy celebration and then 10 year’s later his speech at the ESPY awards as he battled cancer.  The quote above was once of his many quotes from that evening and in his speeches that he made up until his death.

To me. equally inspirational was the story of Hank Gathers and Bo Kimble, two young men from Philadelphia who transferred to Loyola-Marymount in Los Angeles and made them into a one-time wonder.  In 1990, Hank Gathers died from an abnormal heart condition during the teams last game of the season.  The team was still given a birth in the tournament and with a heavy heart Bo Kimble led his team to the regional finals with the spirit of fans everywhere behind them.  Bo shot free throws left handed in honor of his childhood friend who was left handed and made upset after upset victory until they were eventually eliminated by the eventual champion, UNLV.

So while many may look at this tournament as just another result of sports crazy hysteria in the US.  I look at it for stories of the human spirit.  I don’t know if I will find anything new, but you never know.  The stories of everlasting friendship and courage in the face of death would be hard to beat.

Some may say that I am over-extending the meaning of what this tournament represents, but it is what it is for me. 

Today we met some new friends (they are actually old friends that we met online) and what might have looked like a casual meeting was really more than that.  We met another couple we befriended through an online breast cancer forum.  They have gone through much of what we have gone through with the same physicians but about 15 months ahead of my wife.  After meeting for lunch I had a brief chat with my wife.  She remarked at how happy they looked and I agreed.  While we didn’t discuss it I could see that my wife was making a mental note.  She asked me again how far ahead of her surgery they were in terms of time and noted that timeline would put us somewhere around August 2010.  Her mind was racing there.  For her it wasn’t the mental model but the physical model and goal of where she will be heading.

For me, this is the most wonderful time of the year.  March Madness, the Masters, and baseball is beginning.  Yes, my spirit sure is being lifted.  March Madness means different things to every one of us, but as long as it means something, that’s good!  Just have a dream and a goal.

It Ain’t Easy Being Green

17 Tuesday Mar 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ Leave a comment

When you find out you will die, thats when you decide to live. – tagline from the upcoming movie, Veronika Decides to Die

Happy St. Patty’s Day, and if it still is wherever you are, you can take off that silly green shirt or even those horrific plaid green pants!  Yes I do own a pair of lime green ones for special golf occasions.  I do think that the Irish probably get together and laugh at all of us for wearing all these shades of green.  I mean, look at me!  Asian guy, who needs to work on his tan and wearing this pale green oxford shirt.  Not a pretty look!  You’d definitely need to down a few beers to look at me in this shirt. 

Speaking of “Green”, it sure is getting expensive to be “green”  In fact, it sure is costing more. In San Francisco where we pay for the highest gas prices in the continental US, we are thinking of adding another tax to drive more people to alternative fuel usage and to drive less.  Gas prices incidentally are already high due to taxes to pay for roads and better fuel emission standards.  We already pay more for our Green compost boxes which in our household seems to be getting more full and stinkier than the regular trash bin and the “recycling” bin which seems to get no love anymore.  Part of that is because we no longer use paper bags at the grocery store and we have seriously cut back on our use of the printed media.  Speaker of the House (and my former neighbor when I was a kid), Nancy Pelosi, is trying to save our local newspaper from bankruptcy.  I hate to break Mrs. Pelosi’s heart (yeah, that’s what I called her growing up) but we have to let go.  The online newspapers are here and in much the same way that “television killed the radio star”, newspapers are being overcome by the internet where we cannot wait for the printed word as by the time it reaches us, it is old news.  Hey it won’t hurt to save a few trees either.

I think government is learning a hard lesson these days.  In fact, I think the economy is teaching us all a big lesson.  I have always been a big believer in business and trusting the efficient markets and the bright people who run corporate America.  Well obviously that has changed eith the way senior management have run some of our largest institutions into the ground.  Now on the other side, here is government saying that they can help save these organizations and regulate them yet we are now overrun by the outrageous scandal of the AIG and its executives who have taken the money we provided to them from taxpayer money and are rewarding their executives.  Obviously governmentis not prepared to regulate the behavior of our corporations even when they own 80% of them.  Human nature just can’t be controlled to that extreme and the power of the people is too powerful.  It requires leadership of incredible proportions.    For those who know the “Myth of Sisyphus”  who was condemned to push the same rock up a hill over and over again I can only imagine an avalanche chasing Barack Obama and Timothy Geithner down a hill.

Business is just too tough for the government to try and regulate.  I look  at one of my current businesses where the government were unable to regulate (and I’m not sure they could have stopped it) the free downloading of music.  What did this do?  It ruined the royalty income of many great performers who wanted to sit back and earn their royalties from every sale of their albums and CDs.  They say that an artist would earn a dollar from every album sold but yet today they get maybe $.10 when someone legally downloads a song but nothing when they share it with their 10 friends for free.  So what this has done is it has forced many performers to keep touring instead of retiring.  Concerts used to be less than 15% of an artist’s income while album royalties made up over 75%.  Now it is just the reverse.  The only thing is that I don’t know if I still want to see Styx or Air Supply anymore.  To put it to comparison, Michael Jackson was the greatest of his time in the ’80s and when you compare to U2 the numbers are staggering.  In his day, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” alone sold over 110 million copies (not to mnetion his other 11 other studio albums) while U2, undoubtedly the greatest rock band of today, has sold 145 million in total (12 albums). 

So now that these artists want to go out and sell tickets on tour, governments are now listening to the consumers who feel cheated by the high price of tickets.  These are the same consumers who are getting this music for free because the governments failed to regulate their illegal downloading and copying. 

Yes, tis a vicious cycle and what is scary in times like this is that everyone is forced to think about themselves first and others second.  Everybody holds on to what they have and supports issue that help them get back to where they feel most comfortable.  it is definitely all abot the “green” money.

So how do we get out of this?  I don’t have any great solution.  Yes I went to a great business school and even had 2 Nobel Laureates in Economics as professors, but this recession is bigger than any one of us.  We do all have to suck it up and work together. 

Yesterday I heard the head of the Fed say that the recession would be over later this year!  I just can’t see it.  Until we all regain our money lost in our pensions and 401Ks, we all feel more comfortable about our jobs if we still have them, and our faith and trust in our financial system is restored, there will not be a recovery.  What are these people thinking?

My best solution?  Well I’d recommend a universal 4% interest rate.  It would put homes in range of those who can afford it.  Those people who have money and equity in their homes can take on some debt and throw that back out into the economy as well. I think the current solution to the mortgage problem is not a big enough move and only helps those in trouble today and it may not help them for good.  It just postpones the inevitable.  Those who lost their jobs and are having problems paying their current mortgage will still have a problem tomorrow without a job.    The problem with my solution?  Well the banks will lose some income as their margins are reduced on their profitable mortgages.  They’ll likely start charging more for other services and other debt such as credit cards. …….ah yes, “the greening of America” .  I think Kermit the Frog must be rolling around wondering what is going on here!

Which leads to probably the last line of this rambling blog entry….What the heck is he thinking about that quote at the beginning?  Well I’ve been writing recently about how my wife has had some great motivation.  It just made sense to me although it really had nothing to do with this post.  The tagline by the way came from a movie that is coming out.  Last year before my wife was diagnosed with cancer we happened to be out for our anniversary at a cool hotel in New York called The Hotel on Rivington (Thor).  We happened to be there the same night of a closing party for the filming of a the movie, Veronika Decides to Die.  The hotel was closed only to guests and the party.  Somehow I got caught in the elevator with the cast and swept into the party.   I did write a review of the hotel.  Well today, I just saw my first preview advertisement for the movie, so I thought I’d research it and found the tagline for the movie.

It Ain't Easy Being Green

17 Tuesday Mar 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ Leave a comment

When you find out you will die, thats when you decide to live. – tagline from the upcoming movie, Veronika Decides to Die

Happy St. Patty’s Day, and if it still is wherever you are, you can take off that silly green shirt or even those horrific plaid green pants!  Yes I do own a pair of lime green ones for special golf occasions.  I do think that the Irish probably get together and laugh at all of us for wearing all these shades of green.  I mean, look at me!  Asian guy, who needs to work on his tan and wearing this pale green oxford shirt.  Not a pretty look!  You’d definitely need to down a few beers to look at me in this shirt. 

Speaking of “Green”, it sure is getting expensive to be “green”  In fact, it sure is costing more. In San Francisco where we pay for the highest gas prices in the continental US, we are thinking of adding another tax to drive more people to alternative fuel usage and to drive less.  Gas prices incidentally are already high due to taxes to pay for roads and better fuel emission standards.  We already pay more for our Green compost boxes which in our household seems to be getting more full and stinkier than the regular trash bin and the “recycling” bin which seems to get no love anymore.  Part of that is because we no longer use paper bags at the grocery store and we have seriously cut back on our use of the printed media.  Speaker of the House (and my former neighbor when I was a kid), Nancy Pelosi, is trying to save our local newspaper from bankruptcy.  I hate to break Mrs. Pelosi’s heart (yeah, that’s what I called her growing up) but we have to let go.  The online newspapers are here and in much the same way that “television killed the radio star”, newspapers are being overcome by the internet where we cannot wait for the printed word as by the time it reaches us, it is old news.  Hey it won’t hurt to save a few trees either.

I think government is learning a hard lesson these days.  In fact, I think the economy is teaching us all a big lesson.  I have always been a big believer in business and trusting the efficient markets and the bright people who run corporate America.  Well obviously that has changed eith the way senior management have run some of our largest institutions into the ground.  Now on the other side, here is government saying that they can help save these organizations and regulate them yet we are now overrun by the outrageous scandal of the AIG and its executives who have taken the money we provided to them from taxpayer money and are rewarding their executives.  Obviously governmentis not prepared to regulate the behavior of our corporations even when they own 80% of them.  Human nature just can’t be controlled to that extreme and the power of the people is too powerful.  It requires leadership of incredible proportions.    For those who know the “Myth of Sisyphus”  who was condemned to push the same rock up a hill over and over again I can only imagine an avalanche chasing Barack Obama and Timothy Geithner down a hill.

Business is just too tough for the government to try and regulate.  I look  at one of my current businesses where the government were unable to regulate (and I’m not sure they could have stopped it) the free downloading of music.  What did this do?  It ruined the royalty income of many great performers who wanted to sit back and earn their royalties from every sale of their albums and CDs.  They say that an artist would earn a dollar from every album sold but yet today they get maybe $.10 when someone legally downloads a song but nothing when they share it with their 10 friends for free.  So what this has done is it has forced many performers to keep touring instead of retiring.  Concerts used to be less than 15% of an artist’s income while album royalties made up over 75%.  Now it is just the reverse.  The only thing is that I don’t know if I still want to see Styx or Air Supply anymore.  To put it to comparison, Michael Jackson was the greatest of his time in the ’80s and when you compare to U2 the numbers are staggering.  In his day, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” alone sold over 110 million copies (not to mnetion his other 11 other studio albums) while U2, undoubtedly the greatest rock band of today, has sold 145 million in total (12 albums). 

So now that these artists want to go out and sell tickets on tour, governments are now listening to the consumers who feel cheated by the high price of tickets.  These are the same consumers who are getting this music for free because the governments failed to regulate their illegal downloading and copying. 

Yes, tis a vicious cycle and what is scary in times like this is that everyone is forced to think about themselves first and others second.  Everybody holds on to what they have and supports issue that help them get back to where they feel most comfortable.  it is definitely all abot the “green” money.

So how do we get out of this?  I don’t have any great solution.  Yes I went to a great business school and even had 2 Nobel Laureates in Economics as professors, but this recession is bigger than any one of us.  We do all have to suck it up and work together. 

Yesterday I heard the head of the Fed say that the recession would be over later this year!  I just can’t see it.  Until we all regain our money lost in our pensions and 401Ks, we all feel more comfortable about our jobs if we still have them, and our faith and trust in our financial system is restored, there will not be a recovery.  What are these people thinking?

My best solution?  Well I’d recommend a universal 4% interest rate.  It would put homes in range of those who can afford it.  Those people who have money and equity in their homes can take on some debt and throw that back out into the economy as well. I think the current solution to the mortgage problem is not a big enough move and only helps those in trouble today and it may not help them for good.  It just postpones the inevitable.  Those who lost their jobs and are having problems paying their current mortgage will still have a problem tomorrow without a job.    The problem with my solution?  Well the banks will lose some income as their margins are reduced on their profitable mortgages.  They’ll likely start charging more for other services and other debt such as credit cards. …….ah yes, “the greening of America” .  I think Kermit the Frog must be rolling around wondering what is going on here!

Which leads to probably the last line of this rambling blog entry….What the heck is he thinking about that quote at the beginning?  Well I’ve been writing recently about how my wife has had some great motivation.  It just made sense to me although it really had nothing to do with this post.  The tagline by the way came from a movie that is coming out.  Last year before my wife was diagnosed with cancer we happened to be out for our anniversary at a cool hotel in New York called The Hotel on Rivington (Thor).  We happened to be there the same night of a closing party for the filming of a the movie, Veronika Decides to Die.  The hotel was closed only to guests and the party.  Somehow I got caught in the elevator with the cast and swept into the party.   I did write a review of the hotel.  Well today, I just saw my first preview advertisement for the movie, so I thought I’d research it and found the tagline for the movie.

Dodging Raindrops, Chasing Dreams

15 Sunday Mar 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ 1 Comment

The obstacles you face are mental barriers which can be be broken by adopting a positive approach – Clarence Blasier, author

Another weekend gone. We always judge time by events and this weekend will be marked by the end of our children’s basketball season and the rained out beginning to our son’s baseball season.  Somehow I was able to miss the rain and get in a few runs to push me past the 250 mile mark this year.  Even tonight as I ran I started to feel the drops as I raced down the straightaway of Lake St. back to my home.  Once again I felt a new power in my legs tonight and broke through some new personal bests. 

But it wasn’t my own personal bests that I was concerned with as I ran tonight.  Once again it was my wife’s personal best.  One week away from her next surgery and she’s working hard, being a great mother and talking about all kinds of things she wants to do next weekend, this summer and the rest of the year.  Her concerns aren’t about herself but about others.  Mind you I do my running to work on my own health.  I don’t have a weight issue but like many men my age I have cholesterol issues that are a combination of stress, diet and non-exercise.  I’ve dealt with this for 20 years now and know how to control it but my numbers always fluctuate when I don’t take care of myself.  My wife knows this and has made me promise to get a full work-up at my next physical next month  (yes I may join the many on cholesterol drugs this time next month).  As I ran through the last raindrops her thoughts and dreams reminded me of how she hadn’t taken her eye off of her hopes despite the many health issues she is still facing.  Maybe it isn’t how we remember our life by events, but by our dreams.

Weekends are still the time these days when we can catch up with each other and remember to tell each other the many things such as who is not coming back next year to our school, who is sick and having surgery, etc.  It was sad to hear that the economy is having an effect on the make-up of the classroom at our children’s school.  Friends and families are having to move.  Another set of friends from our our children’s nursery school days are having to move to Dallas.  This is tough on my wife because the mom is a god friend and was very helpful during my wife’s battle with cancer.  Our children are of similar ages and both women are from New Jersey so they often talk about raising their chidren in Northern California and the diferences from the area they grew up in.  I look at my children and they have no idea of the magnitude of the changing world around them.  They do occasionally pick it up in the morning when I read the newspaper or the morning  and ask a few questions and about how it pertains to them, but I try not to get too deep and have them worry.

Before my wife went to sleep tonight we checked our schedules and she reminded me of potential lunch plans with some out of  visitors who are visiting their oncologist this week.  It is interesting how the Web works these days.  You can meet people online and create some pretty good friendships.  One of my better friends in life I met just 16 years ago when discussing online about the death of a fireman who was a mutual friend in an accident that was a well publicized tragedy.  It just happened that the next week I was at the funeral, we met and became fast friends.  To this day we still communicate via email a couple times a week and have probably only seen each other 3-4 times since that day we met.  So maybe my wife will be able to maintain her friendships through correspondence.

I guess guys are more that way than women.  I have maintained strong friendships since my younger days.  The many events we shared together are memories that bind us.  Sharing success with my best friend Dave has bound us together for life and it doesn’t take much to get us together even if we haven’t talked to each other for a while.  You can still walk up to Dave and ask him about our favorite personal sporting triumphs together and he’ll tell you it was a  basketball game  against Marin Academy when we were in high school and he and I had a sort of mental telepathy that day in which we were on fire and scored at will.  There are many stories like that and they bring a smile to our faces. 

I hope my children are able to build these kinds of friendships in their lives.  Long-lasting ones which start early in their lives.  They start when there is such an innocent purpose as to why they become friends with someone and their bond becomes a fabric of events which are tightly woven.  Dreams happen much in the same way.  They are created innocently until they become an obsession and something they expect in life.  I hope they dream big and never let them go.

Which goes back to living your life by dreams and keeping time by those dreams.  I always dreamed of having a job I’d love to go to everyday.  I dreamed of playing golf in exotic and beautiful places , I dreamed of having a big party with all my friends and making them happy.  I still dream some of those dreams and more importantly I have friends to share in them.  Donald Wilhelm wrote in his book that he needed to get rid of the negative people in his life to move on.  I had to come to grips with some of that these past few weeks.  It doesn’t mean that they can’t be my friend or that being negative or down is wrong.  It is that when you dream, you don’t need the people closest to you shooting down your dreams.  It is all that most of us hold onto.  So if any of you out there are having a bad day, just make sure you don’t drg the ones you love down with you.     

Hope Rides Again

13 Friday Mar 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ Leave a comment

If you always raise your head and look straight ahead, you will avoid stepping in dog poop – James Hom, my dad

I don’t know what it is, but tonight’s run was my fastest in the past two months.  My body ached, my legs are tired and yet I had a very strong run.  As always, lots of thoughts ran through my head tonight including the quote above which is something I randomly remember my dad telling me as a kid after I came home with dog poop on my shoe.  All kinds of things still run through my head after a run and I always scramble to get them down on paper.  It is when my thinking is the clearest and least conflicted.  What else ran through my head?  My cousin, Jenkin ,who died 15 years ago at the age of 45 from a heart attack was on my mind (probably because I need my physical next month) , Chad Moutray and his daughter (as he wrote me today on Facebook), and of course the economic crisis that our country is dealing with (yikes taxes are due and so is my real estate ptoperty tax next month).  Everytime I run and these thoughts flood my head, I feel compelled to write them down before I go to sleep and forget them. 

Why do I write this?  My dad was a pretty private person. I don’t remember thinking that my dad was such an open book.  There was always some mystery to me about who my dad was.  I for one remember following my dad one night to see where he went (he went back to his office to put together some models for someone’s teeth).  I mean I did know him, but not his inner thoughts.  In Chad Moutray’s book he does a great job of sharing his wife’s feelings and hope with us through her notes and his interpretations.  I feel like I know what she is like even though I never met her.  I want my spouse to be able to read these thoughts and know what I was really thinking.  Sometimes we are running around so much that we never sit down and actually communicate. 

The quote at the top was quite appropriate yesterday as I drove to work.  The sign in the Niketown window read: “Hope Rides Again” in reference to Lance Armstrong riding in the Tour de California bike race.  The sign had been up for a couple weeks but I finally had my head up and was watching. It was like a  big message for me the last couple days.  Kind of like in “Field of Dreams”….”Ease his Pain” and “If you Build it, he will come”.

Maybe my mind was cluttered by my concern for my wife.  They found some swollen nodes at her last pre-operative check-up last week.  We were wondering if the cancer had come back.  They took a biopsy and fortunately we got the results today that it was all clear.  Whew!  My wife had told me not to worry, but what was I to do!?  You try and distract yourself and forget, but you can’t!

At least her visit with the Plastic Surgeon went well. She really likes him so that is what is best.  It will be a little longer than the original hour projected so they will have to put her under again more than just local sedation.

(I’m going to finish this tomorrow as I need sleep)

Ah Friday.  I’ve been terribly efficient today and need to be given that this weekend will be spent as a chauffeur between Little League and Basketball playoffs.   A good excuse to get outside I guess. 

Not sure why Ididn’t just end this post last night as I fell asleep watching “Survivor” on Tivo so I will end it now

Magnificent

10 Tuesday Mar 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ Leave a comment

Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar  – U2, Magnificent

Can you tell I love the new U2 album?  The song, Magnificent, not only has that classic ambient guitar reverb that makes their music so identifiable, but the lyrics this time are so mature and reflect the new angle that this band has taken.  I don’t like all the songs on the album, but there are some new classics which will be part of their legacy.

The song has been added to my running music and really helps drive me up and down the San Francisco hills and reminds me of all my wife’s struggles and scars from her struggles over the past year.  Ironically as my wife gets ready for her (hopefully) final surgery to reduce the scarring and any kind of residual malformations, we are not at all worried and our love for each other grows more and more each day.  Communication and understanding are by far better than ever (she still is the world’s worst back seat driver, LOL) and when we miscommunicate the issues just dissipate more quickly than ever.

For those who are wondering, and without going into great detail, plastic surgery (why plastic anyway?) is a bit of an art form. The most significant factor is the technical skill and artistic sense of the surgeon. Without excellent technical skill and the eye of an artist, results can range from failure to an aesthetically displeasing outcome.  My wife is just having some scar revisions done so that they heal correctly.  Additionally there is some asymmetry going on that is probably more of an issue for me visually.  While I don’t really mind, my wife can see it on my face and thus wants me to be real in all my emotions for her.  “No secrets and no sympathy” she tells me.  I’m trying.  The Lord knows I’m trying.  Yes, that means when I don’t like her cooking I must tell her rather than to hold my nose and swallow.  What can I say, I’m not a good poker player when it comes to my wife.  She knows I’m an open book.

It is TRULY magnificent how she has now out-done me in dreaming big and enjoying life and being honest in one’s feelings.  It is always something I felt like I had to pull teeth with but now she’s pulling me along.  Now I’m feeling like I can’t keep up.  I actually decided I needed to go get a check up soon.  Although I’m scared to find out if I have anything wrong other than high cholesterol, hardened arteries, etc, I just would like to have our family have a year of normalcy and fear having to drag my own family into another inconsistent year of health.  I do finally want to get some biopsies done on something that my doctors have said for years “is nothing”.  I just want that peace of mind.

Peace of mind is a hard thing to get these days.  Economic reports of 11.4MM Americans unemployed and that doesn’t even include those who are underemployed.  That is crazy when you think that the state of Ohio is only 11.6MM people.  Basically the whole state of Ohio would be unemployed. 

SO what should we do?  What’s not working?  I personally think the government should institute a national home mortgage interest rate of 4%. Anyone can negotiate a 30 year fixed mortgage at that rate as long as they qualify.  This should be done without closing costs or prepayment penalties if you are re0financing.  We need to stop bailing out the banks and start bailing out the people who have money with the banks.  This will prevent more de-valued housing from falling onto bank books.  It will also stimulate the economy for those who still have some excess income so that they can throw it into the economy.  Those who own their homes outright can take a secured loan and use that money to make improvements on their homes or spend it.  The current recovery plan just bails out more people who don’t have jobs to afford their mortgages in the first place.  It isn’t helping.

No Line on The Horizon

04 Wednesday Mar 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ 2 Comments

Here’s where we gotta be
Love and community
Laughter is eternity
If joy is real

– U2 , Get on Your Boots

I just thought I’d have to use the name of the U2 album which came out this week as the title of one of my posts.  Life has been crazy with 5 consecutive weeks of travel, many sleepless nights (some due to my own pursuit of pleasure), and much going on in every aspect of my life.  If I stayed true to my metaphor of “the road of life”, I’d be driving a VW Bus filled with all my life’s belongings listening to the Doobie Brothers and going on a road trip to nowhere.  Yes, truly, no line on that horizon for sure.  Just going where the wind takes me.  Oh and for those who really know me and say that I can fall asleep anywhere, it is true.  I think I’m probably the only person around who sleeps from takeoff to landing on flights.  In fact, this morning I slept my whole way down to LA.

Sitting down with my thoughts or even going for a run on my own has been a bit of  a chore these days.  Even as I write this I find myself sitting on a cramped stool at a Samsung Mobile station at Los Angelese International Airport (LAX). 

The cab ride here through Los Angeles rush hour traffic actually gave me time to take a snooze and think about things for once.  My wife was back home getting her monthly shot and is preparing for her revision surgery.  I asked her if it was getting “old hat” and she said, “hardly”.  Silly me.  At least it was the easy technician who knew what he was doing she said.  Did I ever mention I hate needles?  It is hard asking her “how did your day go” without wincing.  I never hear really terrible things come out of her mouth, but I still worry something will.  She’s such a trooper and makes my life much easier than it really should be.  In some ways I feel guilty for not letting her put more on me.

Someone asked me about my recent post about my father and asked me why I don’t talk about my mother.  Funny, but they are right and I have been thinking about her a lot.  I was very close to my dad and many say that I am most like him.  We shared many close memories and I guess I talk about him more because I miss him.  My mother is turning 70-something this weekend and I feel like she is going on 60.  She’s been through a lot and now 3 years after my dad passed I look at her and see a woman who is fiercely independent, very strong, and extremely happy.  I still see her missing my dad, but nothing has changed for her and I’ve found my mom’s attitude to be one that my wife should follow. 

5 years removed from breast cancer, my mother doesn’t even think of breast cancer.  When she walked back into the clinics this past year with my wife, she said the smell and feel of the hospital made her sick.  She had put those years behind her and was fighting even before her hair grew back.  I can’t recall them all but since she had her surgery she’s been to China, South Africa, Morocco, several trips to New York and Vegas, Hawaii, Japan, Tibet, The Amazon, Costa Rica, Egypt and Russia.  “Where’s Mom now?” seems to be the cry amongst my siblings these days.  I told her that although she was an unstoppable ball of energy before her cancer that she seemed to be crazier than ever (I always tell people about how my mom is your proto-typical California mom who asks you “What’s your sign” before she asks your name).  My wife will never forget the first time they met.  My wife had this big painted wooden fish around her neck that she got somewhere in Mexico.  “Just call me Sue.  I’m a Pisces” were the words that rung out.  My future wife just giggled and looked at me.  I’m not that into astrology but I think Pisces and Sagittarius signs must get along very well.  Amyway, my mother said that cancer only made her more hungry to do more and make sure she left no stone unturned.  Every obstacle to her is now an opportunity and it shows.  She just never stops seeing the good in things.  I love it.

Today as I flew down to Los Angeles I called her just to say hi and how I look forward to seeing her this weekend.  I only got her voicemail (it’s all I get these days).  I could see her rolling her eyes wondering why I wanted to bother her.  I still hear her telling me to get outside and do things instead of sitting in front of the television.

I guess that is why travelling for work is not that bad for me.  Los Angeles is great people watching (at least better than sitting at my desk).  Today I went to lunch with a few colleagues.  They asked where I wanted to go eat and I always tell them that as long as there is good people watching, I’ll go anywhere.  We went to Le Petit Four on trendy W. Sunset in Hollywood.  Lots of blondes with too much cleavage sitting with old men with George Hamilton tans, but it was good although spendy.  I did spot Neil Sedaka though and he was the biggest star quality I could notice. Please tell me if you are reading this that you know who he is.  My two colleagues were too young to know.  Boy am I getting old.  Anyway, Neil was very flattered that this star-gazer spotted him and gave me a knowing smile.  

Well unfortunately there is a line on my horizon tonight as I have to board my plane!

This Time's A Charm Interview & Book Review

28 Saturday Feb 2009

Posted by in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to go now!”  – Kenny Chesney 
This Times A Charm by Donald Wilhelm

This Time's A Charm by Donald Wilhelm

Well I have the honor of being the last stop on Donald Wilhelm’s “This Time’s A Charm” blog book tour.  Before getting into my interview with  Donald below, I have to say that I wasn’t sure about reading another cancer book even if he had survived Hodgkins Lymphoma 4 times. Having lost a college roommate to cancer, watching my mom, cousins, aunts and most recently my own wife deal with breast cancer, another book on cancer just didn’t really appeal to me. I’d done a lot of research on my wife’s behalf to help her through her battle against breast cancer this past year and we are just beginning to get our post-cancer lives back.  But such as life we find inspiration in all kinds of places from all kinds of people and all kinds of actions.www.thistimesacharm.com or click here to go directly to the Amazon.com purchase page.  I have personally purchased an additional copy for a friend and fellow parent who is similarly diagnosed to Donald.  If you haven’t read the previous blog tour entries, follow this schedule:

I found Donald’s book to be inspiring, insightful, honest, and just relevant to what I needed. In life I always look for inspiration to help myself and others, and for my mother and wife when they battled breast cancer I always pointed to Lance Armstrong and his mental toughness.  There are other celebrity examples out there like Christina Applegate, Sheryl Crow and Patrick Swayze, but Donald’s story hit me not only as a good story about cancer, but a story about life.  You see, although it helps, I don’t think you need to be someone touched by cancer to get something out of Donald’s book.  Donald’s story doesn’t glamorize anything about his battle and survival which makes it more real and something that anyone touched by cancer or going through troubled times can relate to.  Donald takes us through the cold reality of each one of his treatments and surgeries and provides a non-clinical view of what the patient goes through emotionally and physically.  Better yet, what Donald does is=2 0typical of his personality.  He doesn’t question things without giving his own opinion or answer.  He always has his own solution for coping with what a cancer patient will go through.

If you are a Carpe Diem person, someone who believes in the power of positive thinking, or just finds inspiration in real life stories that give you that extra push to remind you about how much you need to respect life and all that surrounds you, then this book is one that I recommend.

I happened to finish this book as I took my wife for a Valentine’s Day in Las Vegas to see Elton John. For me this was my way of saying to my wife that we should get moving with life and start trying to put cancer behind us.  It was my wife’s first trip, time away from our kids and time to think of her own pleasure and happiness.  As I hit the end of the book and took in it’s messages as our plane descended into Vegas, I found myself nudging my wife and having her read passage after passage.  I saw her smiling, nodding and crying as she read each page.  She got it.  It was time to start living her life

I’m not going to give away the key messages of the book because everyone will take something different from it, but I have some questions for Donald in an interview that will hopefully give you some insight to parts of the book that I really related to the most (especially as a caregiver).

Route53: Donald, let me just s ay that your story is inspiring on some many levels.  Even without the message of surviving cancer 4 times I would have found your book inspiring.  As a caregiver my first thought was to read who you dedicated the book to: Your wife Amy, friends, family and doctor.  As I hit the end of the first page I had to recheck my facts.  It talks about your wife Sara (not Amy).  It always saddens me to read about a spouse who leave s their loved one at a time of need (What the heck happedned to “in sickness and in health”?).  As I read about your separation and other parts of your life I seemed to notice you let people leave your life fairly easily.  Is this just the way you wrote the book to not dwell on those matters?  Were you not wanting to drag loved ones into your cancer world?

DW: Well, I spent a lot of time while I was isolated with the disease and really took the time to evaluate some of my “friendships” at the time.  There’s nothing like a life-threatening disease to help you quickly sift through true friends from the others.  What I found was that most of the people I had been spending time with seem to be “takers” and I was always the one that had to be “giving.”  I came to realize how draining that had been on me and I knew it couldn’t not continue, nor should it.  Life is short.  I now choose to spend my time with positive-natured people who only add to my life and don’t detract
from it.

Route53: Although you have fought a strong battle on your own, for me there are three major people who were the core of your battle.  In your book, you touch on surrounding yourself with the right people so I would like to focus on these caregivers.  Let’s first talk about your choice of  Dr. Jeff.  In the book you talk about how you chose him.  What further insight can you tell us about Dr. Jeff that you found was fitting for you, not just as a doctor, but as a person.  Tell us about your relationship with Dr. Jeff today.

DW:  Dr. Jeff is simply awesome.  He’s very down-to-Earth, yet he is an excellent doctor who’s always up on the latest studies and research.  I frankly have no idea how he has enough time in any given day to do what he does.  Today, our relationship is as strong as possible.  He respects me as a patient who runs his own healthcare team and I respect him as
the quarterback, counting on him to think out-of-the-box at times and run an audible if necessary.

Route53: My favorite person in your book is your cousin Dave, a totally selfless person (although I laughed at the halfway house he created for people and pets).  Give Dave a big high five for me.  He did more for you than most spouses do for their own loved ones who are suffering from cancer.  He just seems to be a guy who puts everyone before himself.  Tell us about Dave and the relationship you have with him.  What makes him special in your mind that allows him to just give all he has to anyone.  Were you two very close before the cancer arrived?

DW: Dave and I were close before my diagnosis.  I always said we were part cousins, part brothers and part best friends.  I can’t tell you what makes him tick, because honestly, most of the time I’m left scratching my head trying to figure him out.  But the one steadfast quality he has, that everyone knows about, is that if you’re in need you can and should count on him.

Route53: Your second wife Amy is obviously a special person to you and helped you with much of the shaping of your life as it is today. My college roommate got married to his highschool sweetheart while he was suffering from cancer as well. If I could have changed one thing about your book, it is that you would have found Amy 5 years earlier.  You talk about how Amy didn’t flinch when you told her about your cancer.  Tell us what it is about her that is different from your first wife and your other relationship that you had during your battle with cancer.  Perhaps Amy knew what she was signing up for in a relationship with you?  Is it that she has dealt with cancer before?  At the same time, what made you ready to let someone new close into your life at that point in time?

DW:  Amy really is an incredible person.  She has a heart of gold and simply loves to help other people.  But the reason that she was able to stand by me, no matter what, is that she truly understands that none of us are guaranteed any amount of time in this life.  Most people say things like, “well, you never know when you’re number will be up.”  But I find that when push comes to shove, these same folks panic and cower in fear of death.  Amy understands death and isn’t overly afraid of it.  That being said, she maintains a healthy zest for life and we live each day to the fullest.  Like Kenny Chesney said, “Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to go now!”  😉

Route53:  We had the same issue as you with the psychiatrist. When my own wife chose to see a psychiatrist before her bilateral mastectomy, I asked if that doctor had gone through cancer and she hadn’t.  At that time I told my wife I didn’t think she needed this woman’s advice.  It was the first appointment I didn’t go to with my wife and she became so anxious after her visit that she had to start taking Ativan again.  I just want you to know that you would make the perfect psychiatrist for cancer patients.  Have you realized that you have become the answer for what you yourself needed?  I noticed on another blog that you are continuing to help with Dr. Jeff’s patients.

DW:  Actually, that’s a great way to put that.  I do, now, know that the answers I need were inside of me all the time.  I have simply learn to ask different questions of myself, thereby making the game of life a bit easier to win.  And why wouldn’t we do it that way?

As for me becoming a therapist, I kinda already view myself as such, but in a very informal manner.  I’m trained by life, and my advice is simple and hard hitting.  In fact, this is the reason that I wrote my book.  So that whomever needed or wanted to fully understand my story, could just pick up a copy and read it at their own pace.  I’ve found most people have been reading it multiple times and gaining more perspectives from it each time.

Route53: Chapter 11 and the catchy title you give it was that rough point in your battle.  In a way I looked at it as an almost necessary evil. My feeling is that everyone hits that point in their recovery.  Maybe not as reckless as you became, but I’m sure there are people who can relate to that chapter in some small way.   Like you I believe in experiential learning.  I’m sure you got something positive out of that time of your life.  Can you share with us what experiences or learnings you got out of that time of your life helped shape your philosphy today? 

DW:  I think the most important lessons I learned from that period of my life was to watch your emotions and actively managed them.  It’s hard for me to really remember that time of my life and what I must have been feeling inside.  I must have been very lonely.  Fortunately now, I know that I’ll never end up in the place again.

Route53:  You ask your readers to read Dr. Phil’s “Self Matters” and Rhonda Walker’s, “The Secret”.  Do you have any other good inspirational books or articles that we should read? Have you be en inspired in your battle?  If so, who has been your inspiration?

DW: I’d definitely recommend Anthony Robbins’ “Now Awaken the Giant Within.”

Route53:  What have you personally gained from writing this book that you didn’t expect or maybe were not quite expecting? 

DW:  Great question Erik.  Well I’d say the biggest surprise is my readers’ responses to it.  I was hopeful that everyone would like the book, but the depth of the feedback I get is overwhelming at times.  My book seems to touch people in a way that really makes a positive and LASTING impact on their lives.  That’s an incredible feeling for me!

 SUMMARY: If you want to purchase This Time’s A Charm, please go to: www.thistimesacharm.com   I have personally purchased an additional copy for a friend and fellow parent who is similarly diagnosed to Donald.  If you haven’t read the previous blog tour entries, follow this schedule:

“This Time’s a Charm” Cancer Blog Book Tour Schedule