Tag Archives: Inspiration

Paving the Golden (Gate) Road in Life

08 Sunday Feb 2009

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To know the road ahead, ask those coming back – Chinese proverb
Crossing the Golden Gate
Crossing the Golden Gate

This weekend I was driving across the Golden Gate Bridge  early in the morning and listening to John Legend’s “This Time”.  It was a crisp morning and we were on our way to our son’s basketball game.  It was a family moment with our two children in the back seat, but as my wife turned up the volume and sang along, it became her moment and we all listened.  It is hard to explain the feeling when you listen to someone is appreciating what they have and is inspired by their own journey.  My wife never has been one to turn up the volume, but the song and the beauty of the morning sun gleaming off one of our country’s iconic monuments probably hit her.  I quickly captured the moment with my camera phone.

During the game I pulled out  a copy of  “This Time’s A Charm”, a book that I’m reading by Don Wilhelm, 4 time cancer survivor.  I’ll be part of his Book Blog tour which I will be part of during the beginning of March.  Don shows the power of positive thinking.  He does not claim it will heal all people, but I personally believe it affects those around you to see such a strong attitude when things are at their lowest.  I will write more about the book in the future, but I sat next to one of the other dads on the team.  He has lymphoma and has been suffering for three years and I know it has taken a toll on his family and his life.  I’ve asked myself if I should offer the book to him to read, but it is not my place. 

Back to my wife we took the weekend in stride and went after life.  We fixed things in the house like the broken lighting in our bathroom.  We also arranged our next vacation, played with our kids and let them help decide where we should go next.  We want to expand their life experiences while they are  young and innocent.  Our lives are touched and we are grateful for all that we have.  Despite my wife’s positive prognosis and people telling her how inspired they are by how she has responded, she has (and so do I) felt that her battle is nothing compared to what others have been through or are going through.    This weekend my wife heard from an online friend who has the same physicians and it always reminds her that she is one of many and that her struggle is still ongoing.  At the same time we heard from my wife’s brother than he and his wife are having their second child, a girl, this summer.  Along with my inlaw’s 50th wedding anniversary, this is shaping up to be a pretty eventful summer!

Tonight we watched the 60 Minutes special of local hero Chesley Sullenberger, the captain of US Airways flt 1549 that landed safely in the Hudson River with all 155  passengers and crew surviving.  He said in the interview that he didn’t think what he did should be warranting so much praise, but he understands the gratitude and is still learning how his actions can be so lauded even though what happened to him is something he had always wanted to avoid (losing a plane).  It is so amazing that what this guy did was such a success and textbook yet he felt so bad and questioned his actions as to whether he could have done better.  To me that is the parallel.  This man is just trying to make his path, his road down life and yet everyone is looking to him as an inspiration.  It isn’t just the 155 lives he saved that day, but all the people who were inspired by him and all the lives he affected through the relatives of those 155 people who are still alive today.

For me this week the road will continue and I will look forward to hearing and observing new stories that help me navigate this world and help me educate my children as to the importance of living life to the fullest.

 

My Wife and Her Breast Cancer Equal My Inspiration

28 Wednesday Jan 2009

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My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
— Winston Churchill
The Santa Monica Boardwalk this evening

The Santa Monica Boardwalk this evening

I have always sought inspiration through true life stories.  I guess I never thought it would come from my life partner.

Those who know me and see me every day will tell you that over the past year I’ve lost over 10 pounds, ran over 1200 miles last year and can run a 5k faster than I did 20+ years ago when I was in highschool and college.  That might seem trivial to those who exercise daily,  but ever since I’ve graduated from high school I never had the drive for long periods of time to work out religiously and take care of myself.  Why now?  How do you find that kind of drive?

Last year when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer I was down, but my wife told me to make sure I kept running.  The week after she was diagnosed I remember watching Forrest Gump with my children and there is this scene where his love, Jenny tells him,  “If you ever get in trouble, don’t try and be brave.  Just run.”  There is a scene where Forrest doesn’t know what to do and starts running.  I’ve been doing the same, although I ran with purpose.  My wife is my inspiration.

We all get inspired by bigger than life stories.  The pilot who saved 155 people by landing his plane in the Hudson, the new President who is breaking many barriers, the man who risked his life to save an unconscious mom and her two toddlers from a burning home, etc.  Sometimes we see movies like the first one I ever saw called “Brian’s Song” that had cancer involved and get inspired for the moment or for a period of time. 

 But when we live with someone who inspires you on a daily basis it changes you. My wife has to take pills every day, get shots once a month and every day think that there still might be a cancer in her body that might come back to haunt her.  Yet every day, she kisses me, makes breakfast, smiles and goes about her work.  All those pills, shots and everyday worries are not something she shares with me unless I ask.  I don’t ask because I want her to feel like life is as normal as can be as that is the way she wants to live it every once in a while.  She wants to put away that she is a Cancer Survivor.  She doesn’t want to be treated like she’s handicapped.  How can you not be inspired when the person who shares a bed with you every night does so with smile on her face.  She’s had two surgeries and is staring a third in the face, yet she is wanting to bring it on.  She’s had 14 hours of anaesthesia in less than 6 months.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to have those hours missing from my memory.

The other night she caught me staring at her sleeping before I went to bed.  I wanted to soak in her peacefulness, her beauty and my appreciation for her to still be with me and our children.  She asked me if anything was wrong and I just smiled and she gave me that knowing kiss that all wives will give when they know you appreciate them.  It’s the same kiss you get when you stand before all your friends and family the day you get married and state your love for each other.

Today I am off away on business again.  Away from my family.  It hurts to be away knowing my wife is still not 100% yet, but she’d not want it any other way.  Tonight I had a chance to visit the Santa Monica Boardwalk (see photo).  I told my business partner (no offense) that I wished it was my wife with me instead.  She deserved this sunset on this beautiful evening more than I did.

Why the Analogy with Roads, Highways, Journeys, etc.?

12 Wednesday Nov 2008

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“Life is a Highway, I want to ride it all night long” – Rascal Flatts

People have emailed me and asked why I title many of my posts as Life is a Highway.  Well it is the name of a little song by a country band, Rascal Flatts.  I’m not a country enthusiast but I find the song catchy, uplifting and I found the lyrics to how I want to live life:

One of my main points that I live my life by is to enjoy the journey because sometimes no matter how great the reward is at the end, the effort and experience of getting there is more rewarding.  Whether it is driving across the country and enjoying the beautiful scenery, completing a huge task successfully with a group of people who show a great sense of teamwork, or fighting cancer and finding out who your friends really are, there are so many journeys that we all take each day.  The car, my car, Herbie, is also my vehicle that gets me around town.  to me there is no other car windshield that I ‘d rather watch people through as my journey crosses the streets of San Francisco each day.  I was lucky to be born in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and there is no use avoiding its rich culture and history.

Someone else asked me why I seem to write my updates late at night.  Well it is usually the first time all day that I take for myself and I often go running late at night.  It is so peaceful out and I run like I live my life.  I’ve always been a distance runner and when I run I love to soak in the surroundings.  I get to run two very beautiful streets at night which are now lined with holiday lights already.  Tonight I soaked in the crisp air, stared at the full moon through the branches, and window shopped along world famous Fillmore St. and Sacramento St. .  Window shopping is really cheap when all the stores are closed already.  Smelling the perfume of women walking home, men smelling like their fifth bourbon, and the smells of the fries from the Johnny Rockets burger joint all are spices of life that I soak in on my run each evening.

It’s not just my journey that I enjoy, but the journeys of others.

Why run?  Why run so late?  Running is for my life.  High Cholesterol runs in my family and I do it for me and my kids.  Blogging is for me and my kids too.  I was a terrible history student , but I do vow that I will not repeat my dad’s mistakes.   Although my dad was a wonderful dad, he kept his feelings to himself.  The stresses I think ultimately led to his heart attack.  Expressing myself is something I aim to do through my blogging.  My goal is to be there for my grandchildren.  I want to give back to them.  With our generation living longer than our ancestors ever did, I hope to be able to give to my grandchildren life lessons that my own father never got to provide to his own grandchildren.

I mentioned my wife’s cancer.  It has been a rough journey.  Someone asked me why I wouldn’t want to talk about such a horrible experience.  Well life has many bumps and we tend to suppress the bad memories and focus on the good ones.  For me this journey through cancer has been a great learning experience for me.  I’ve learned so much about myself, my love for my wife, and my respect for the limited time we have on this Earth.  I will never forget these days, the pain, the joys and the many people I may never see again.  And if I do, I can look back and hopefully see a person on these pages who has grown.

Alright, time to pull over and get some rest!

Many Different Stories – One Destiny

09 Sunday Nov 2008

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“We have so many different stories, and one single destiny”

When I went running tonight (it is usually where I do my thinking) I replayed this historic week and its place in history.  Our first President of ethnicity is one piece.  The way he was able to gain the support of the majority of our country in just 22 months with a grass roots campaign through modern communication techniques was brilliant yet a throwback to traditional ways of fundraising and campaigning. 

Whether you were for or against the President-elect I looked at it as a big time in our society and a great learning one.  I wasn’t alive for JFK or for MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech, I hear the stories of the many people who know where they were when they heard that speech.  I’m not sure, but I’m guessing Barack Obama’s “Yes We Can” speech will be one for the ages.

That is why I had my 9 year old son listen to both John McCain’s concession speech and Barack Obama’s victory speech with me.  My 6 year old daughter is too young.  While I know it might have been boring to an adult’s ear, I’m sure for a young kid that it might not have meant much.  I just wanted my son to remember sitting on the couch with his dad while he listened.  I told him that he didn’t need to remember the speech but to remember and take something from the speech.  When it was over, I asked him what he got out of it.  he mentioned the 100 year old lady who had seen a lot of change.  He then said, “We are country full of people with many stories, yet one destiny”.

I asked if he understood and he told me that like our family, we are four different people with different storied , but we do things together as a family.  Just like a team.  Kids are so great.  Their minds are clear and they help us see things in a different light.  I hadn’t even picked up that line until my son mentioned it.  Over the next several days I applied it on many different levels.  I applied it to Work, Family , and even my classmates that I saw at my 25th high school reunion.  The stories are diverse and should be celebrated.

Most importantly I thought about the many stories of the women such as my wife and mother who have battled or are battling cancer.  Their stories are varied yet all of these women have one destiny and that is to find the cure for and beat cancer.  Their stories have inspired me.  I was talking to my wife who told me that a mom wanted to interview her because she found my wife to be an inspiration.  While my wife does not find herself to be an inspiring figure, she was flattered and it made her feel good. 

I reminded my wife that change begins from within.  We recounted how my mother has changed in her fight over the last 5 years.  I told her that she shouldn’t passively be an inspiration, but to be a little more active in how she affects others.  We agreed that it is a time to say “Yes We Can” and I say that in a non-political way, but at an individual interest level. 

For me, as we approach this holiday season and I look forward to this work week, I will bring my own destiny and inspiration to my actions.

Scarred & Healing – A Loving Fight

03 Monday Nov 2008

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Music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears – it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear. But for many of my neurological patients, music is even more – it can provide access, even when no medication can, to movement, to speech, to life. For them, music is not a luxury, but a necessity.
 
— Oliver Sacks
Neurologist and author of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain

The above quote was on my Starbucks cup of coffee this afternoon.  It seems appropriate given the feeling my wife had after the Madonna concert this past weekend.  The music inspired her to take action. 

She is getting impatient though.  Her exchange surgery has been delayed and she doesn’t seem to be getting a response.    I know she wants to get the expanders removed ASAP.  She has seen that her initial scars from the surgery have already healed. She is already started to lessen her medication and is now ready for the final removal if we can get a date for the final exchange.  Once again the waiting game is affecting us.

Her strength those is inspiring me.  I am so impressed by her ability to move forward.  Her ability to manage the kids, her job, the house, our crazy family schedule and her own illness is something I am unable to feel or understand.  All I can do is give her my undying support and make her feel loved and appreciated.  It is all I’ve got.  I wish I could do more.  Right now though I know she also wants and needs her parents and i need them to understand that they can’t wait for her to ask for them but rather for them to show their unrequested support.  It will only help in her healing process.  The scars are there, but the pain and feeling of hope will make her feel better

Trick or Treat & The Material Girl – Life is a Highway

02 Sunday Nov 2008

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“Dream as if you’ll live forever, Live as if you’ll die tomorrow” – James Dean

I watched our kids count up thier candy tomorrow and it can only warm a parent’s heart to hear them not fight and to see our oldest combine his candy with the younger child’s smaller batch and agree to share the candy evenly without even asking.  You wonder if society would be better off if we left it up to the kids.

I’m not considered calendar wise to be a “Baby Boomer” but I’m just on the edge.  They say as a whole that this generation will not do as well as their parents.  I agree.  I’m even more worried about my children’s generation.  How will they succeed?  How do we give them a chance?  With the financial markets seeing one of the biggest drops in history, we are learning to guard our pennies yet enjoy life as best we can.

Back on the Adult Front, my wife is feeling better.  We went to see the Material Girl (Madonna).  I was so worried about her getting bumped into or jostled around.  I was surprised to see her able to jump around and dance so freely.  It was a good test event for getting out.  She was still tired, but it felt good to be a couple again and to get out and feel like we haven’t lost a step.  Psychologically, it was also a big move for me too.  While we don’t always agree with her messages, there were some great personal messages.  We didn’t take her messages although very political in that way.  My wife told me afterwards that she saw the the message and took it personally:

  • Get Up
  • Time Is Now
  • If you Wait it will be too late
  • Your Choice
  • Your World
  • Your Life

Here is the link to the backgroung video of her concert.  Please again ignore the political message and think about it as a Take Charge of Your Life message: MADONNA BACKGROUND VIDEO

I have to admit at looking back at it, it sure is inspirational….to all of you out there looking for a reason to get up and take action, I sure hope you all find that motivation.  I am so glad my wife has found one for now.

Playing Hard & Never Giving Up – Life is a Highway

19 Sunday Oct 2008

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“Don’t Stop Until the Whistle Blows”

This week I finished a fundraising event  for our school that has taken up much of the last 2 and a half months.  In this economy it is tough to fathom how hard it is to ask people to donate their time and money.  You ask once and not two or three times like the old days.  I am so grateful to all the people who were able to attend and enjoy a wonderful day.  It meant so much to hear all the people say how wonderful a time they had know that for a day much of the troubles of the economy were forgotten.

This weekend was a little different than last.  As we waited to go out for our first soccer game of the day, we caught a little of the movie “We are Marshall”, on TV.  There’s a scene when the coach talks to his team before their first game and telling them about how they can’t replace the team before them that died in a crash the year before, but that if they give it their all and don’t stop until the whistle blows that they’ll all be winners no matter what the score.  As I watched the movie I saw my children listening.  They hardly ever listen to dialogue in a movie.  We had to leave before the movie ended but our children asked about what happened as we drove to our daughter’s game.  Both children played with heart today.  It was so fun to see.  What a difference a week makes from last week.  I don’t know if it was the movie, the weather, or just the time of day, but all seemed much better than last week.

It made me think about where we are with our fight against breast cancer.  When will that whistle blow?  Maybe never.  That is why we have to live and play every day with heart and joy for our opportunity that we have.  Don’t sweat the little things and just live life to its fullest.  Tomorrow will be the last fill and then we will wait a few weeks for the final surgery.  Just in time to be thankful at Thanksgiving.

I guess we’re really at the beginning of our journey.  We have many journeys and this one although filled with much heartache and pain to start is just beginning and hopefully will only get smoother.  This past week my wife found out that a friend she told to get examined found that she had breast cancer.  At first we felt so sad that we had encouraged her to do something that brought bad news, but then she was thanked and realized that she is one of the many cancer survivors who will help to spread the word to others.  I saw a T-shirt this weekend from one of the many breast cancer fundraisers and it said it best: “Hope Begins with Us”.  It really does.

As an aside, I do have to say that I saw another T-shirt that my mother, a breast cancer survivor of 4 years, sent me.  Sometimes we are so close to this disease that we forget we have great examples around us all the time.  In the last 10 years my mother has lost her husband of 50 years, both her parents, and had breast cancer yet she is living a full and productive life.  She is currently on her third international trip of the year.  This time she is in Egypt after visiting Morocco and South Africa earlier in the year. 

It made me laugh to know that my mother is on the other side of the world yet thinking of us and sending us crazy stuff on email.  It really hit me on so many levels including the funny bone:

 CLICK HERE TO BUY IT

Skin-Sparing Mastectomy – A Loving Fight Against Breast Cancer

29 Friday Aug 2008

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“Inspiration comes in many forms.  Let’s keep our eyes open.” – Today’s email to my wife

Actually something less formal like “Keep on Truckin'” might have been a more appropriate word of the day as we headed into this Labor Day weekend.  We are both working the late shift getting major projects done and trying to keep our lives as hectic (normal) as possible.  We still keep getting the “How are you doing” phone calls which we politely respond to, but then have to cut short not only because we are so tired of telling everyone, but also because we have so much to do before the surgery.

The surgery itself is fairly new but even moreso is the reconstruction.  The following photos from Breastcancer.org describes the basic procedure:

Skin-Sparing Surgery Image from Breastcancer.org
Skin-Sparing Surgery Image from Breastcancer.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A pink line indicates “keyhole”–like incision

B pink highlighted area indicates tissue removed at mastectomy

The major difference for my wife is that the “A” incision will be done above the nipple and not around the nipple thus sparing the nipple as well.  We were told that this can only be done if the nipple has not yet been exposed to the cancer as some tissue is left around the nipple.  This is a surgery more recommended for women who are early stage.  My wife was also told that she did not have enough tissue from other parts of her body to pull from her tummy or her back shoulders so this was probably the best way if she wanted reconstruction.  Each side takes an additional 45 minutes.

Many husbands might be adverse to the feel etc of implants, but for me I think this is the woman’s choice.  Many believe that reconstruction will best leave them with a mental state that will help them adjust to life after cancer.  This is truly the woman’s decision and I think that every spouse or significant other should try to stay out of the reconstructive decision and not pressure their spouse to do it.  While I wanted my wife to choose reconstruction, I feel better that it is her choice that she made and fully understand her reasoning.  I also think the doctors believe it is the right decision for her and she is making it for the right reasons.

I know some people might  think I’m full of baloney on this, but one of most inspiring stories I ever witnessed was that of Dave Dravecky, the SF Giants pitcher who lost his arm to cancer.  I happened to attend that game when he lost his arm.  I heard it snap.  I cried for him and still cry when he comes back for Giants reunion games. It wasn’t just any arm , but a million dollar arm that earned him a living.  Did he choose to wear a prosthesis? No.  He says sometimes he still dreams that his arm is still there.  But that is not the end of Dave’s story.  he has gone on with his life as a pitching coach and inspirational speaker for those not only diagnosed with cancer, but those he need to be inspired even when they lose something so important and identifiable as who they are.

While my wife’s chest is not the same as a pitcher’s arm, for her it is part of her identity internally.  Only she knows that and there is no way I will be able to relate to that.

At the same time, my wife is wondering how I can be so unselfish about this.  She has always laughed about my infatuation with the human drama of sports.  I do have a bit of a ridiculous man-crush on my idols, Jerry Rice and Joe Montana and she never got it.  I often told her the story of Dave Dravecky and his inspirational life.  She never got it until now.  Now she knows how I feel about her.  Things do come full circle and our inspiration can come from many places and might have been with us all along.