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Route 53 – Enjoying Life's Joy Ride

Tag Archives: strength

Feeling Thankful

28 Thursday Nov 2013

Posted by route53 in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway, San Francisco - Sports & Life

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breast cancer, cancer, faith, life, spirit, strength, Thanksgiving

“When life kicks you, let it kick you forward” – Anonymous Brest Cancer Survivor

Thanksgiving always kicks me and reminds me about how thankful I am that the 2 most important women in my life survived breast cancer and more importantly inspire me every day.

Breast Cancer Awareness month (October) came and went again for my family last month.  Between my mother and wife it is the 9th consecutive year that it has directly hit me (although indirectly through others as well).  Last month was actually the magical 5 year cancerversary for my wife.  It is a fictional celebration point in the timeline for a breast cancer patient.  The chances are high that you’ve kicked the disease if you haven’t had a relapse.  The journey has been so long, we almost forgot it.  In fact when we went for my wife’s quarterly check with her medication, it didn’t even dawn on us.  Cancer is like part of the family.

Going to visit the Diller Cancer Center is an eye opener and a reminder of our journey.  As we walked through the Infusion Area where most people are getting their chemo, you just get grounded when you see all the drawn and tired faces.  If I have to say one thing, if you ever have the chance to keep a friend or relative company when getting their infusion, please do.  It is the hardest and loneliest part and no matter what they say, having you there is only a plus.  I can only recall a handful husbands or dads ever sitting there with the woman getting her infusion in all the times I’ve been there.  When I talk to other husbands, I always tell them to be there 3 times as much as you ever have been.  You will never have that chance to show your love and how thankful you are for their being a part of your life.  When life gives you hurdles, you just need to jump higher!

After the visit last month, I told my wife that sometimes I feel guilty that we’ve put the cancer behind us.  She admitted she felt guilty for not celebrating the 5 year milestone.  I told her maybe we haven’t forgotten but choose to push forward.  That day we saw Dr. Deb Cohan.  Deb chose to have the same surgery as my wife.  They both are daughters of 2-time breast cancer survivors and thus were very pragmatic about their situations.

The video above is of Deb holding a little flash mob before her surgery at the Center. Ironically for me it is the first time I’d seen the exact surgery room where my wife had her surgery. What spirit.  We all fight through our fears and challenges in different ways.  Deb got some flack for her celebration, but I think she chose to show her spirit externally to let people know what kind of fight she needed to put up.  It is a great reminder to me of the fight and spirit my mother and wife have shown and continue to show me and my children every day.

Life is a battle no matter how you look at it.  Approach it with zest and spirit even when facing your biggest fears.

Getting the Best out of Yourself

22 Thursday Jan 2009

Posted by route53 in Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

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affirmation, Breast, cancer, caregiver, fortittude, husband, love, Obama, President, strength, values

Try not to become a man of success but a man of value.
Albert Einstein

The quote above to me is so poignant. I truly believe though that it must become second nature to be a man or woman of value and you need to instill that from within.

I still remember the day that I almost lost my dad back in July of 1996. He suffered a heart attack and his heart stopped beating, but the doorman at the Fairmont Hotel broke into his car and started his heart beating. My father remained in a coma for two weeks (yes during the Atlanta Olympic Games) before coming out of it. My father suffered some brain damage (loss of oxygen to the brain) which caused him the loss of short term memory and often caused him to lose orientation of what year it was. It was almost like Alzheimers except some new memories were created and he only forgot the things that didn’t matter to him.

My mother refused to put him in a home and acted as his primary caregiver for the next 10 years. Although he was never the same person again, I am so happy that his near death kick-started me into having a family and grandchildren that he got to meet and know. He continued to to teach me new lessons even then.

One of those was that my dad lost his ability filter his thoughts. He did not hold back his feelings about things, people or situations. Just imagine if you just started telling everyone what you thought of them. Well, my dad was pure. He smiled at people he didn’t recognize and even at people I thought he didn’t care for. Later I would ask who they were and he said, “I thought you knew”. When my mom would drag him to flower shows I’d ask him how it was. He’d say it was really boring but my mom seemed to enjoy it. He never had a bad thing to say. He was just naturally a positive and gentle person. His illness was a truth serum that some couldn’t handle. We saw others with the same problem who became vicious towards family and friends. An old co-worker of his pulled me aside at his Life Celebration and said, “I knew your dad didn’t recognize me, but that twinkle in his eye and his smile were still the same. He made even strangers feel special.”

It really taught me to seek the kindness in others and to see things first with an eye towards the positive. We are often taught to be protective and cautious and I realize that can really hide the opportunities that you might be offered. There are never enough favors that you can give or thank yous that you can say. My dad was definitely a man of value. A man who valued the relationships and loves in his life so much that it was instinctive.

After a while it should just come naturally. I often hear about how people say how hard it must have been to take care of my wife during those days after surgery and those long weeks of waiting. I think my love for my wife made me her natural caregiver. I knew that it was just the thing to do. Put my fears and hopes aside to be all that I could for my wife. I think having been a caregiver for my dad those years, watching my mother care for her husband (yes they argued, but they loved each other), and then caring for my mother during her cancer gave me a little headstart in caregiving, but not much. The most inspiration though came from the relationship, the strong relationship, I have with my wife. They say your true colors come out when you have times of crisis. I think I showed myself my own true colors and I’m proud of what I saw.

I mention this because in the book I read, My Life with Laura, my friend Chad showed his true colors as well. Although he had only known his wife a few short years, his dedication showed the love of a lifetime. I have read stories about those who don’t get support from their husbands or family members during these times and I think that might just show a crack in the armour that had been there already. My wife and I have a few cracks especially when it comes to communication. And it definitely showed a bit when we had some intense moments, but our love was and is strong.

I know I’ve written about this before in bits and pieces, but I have to repeat these mantras occasionally. I listened to our new President’s speech about strength and fortitude and the need to test ourselves in the worst of times. Now is when I really am testing myself. I already see these next several months are going to be tough on me for different reasons than health.

In the end I just need to make sure that I find myself as a person of value and to instill that upon my life on a daily basis.

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