Tag Archives: surgery

Back to our regularly scheduled programming? Well almost.

29 Monday Sep 2008

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“You’re not quite ready to be a full time soccer mom.”

Weekend number 3 after surgery and we started to try to get back to something normal.  Soccer season with two games across at the same time required logistical gymnastics.  Another mom drove her and our daughter to the game.  She never watches but I made her promise me that she’d stay in the car and watch the game or at least watch the whole game and not take her eye off the ball if she stood on the sideline.  I reminded her that a kid or ball running into her would not be good and that she wasn’t quite ready to be a full time soccer mom.  Of course she didn’t listen, stood on the sideline, and according to our daughter, took a ball in the hip.  Yikes!

The next day was a cousin’s wedding reception.  We have lots of older sick relatives so we hadn’t told them anything.  It was a crowded restaurant with very little wiggle room so my son and I played like offensive linemen protecting her from any blind-sided impact or overzealous hugging relatives.  Somehow we made it through the 3-hour ordeal with her being totally exhausted but happy to get out of the house.  She also had the chance to talk to a cousin and a couple of aunts who had had breast cancer.  They consoled her and reassured her that all would be well.  Their stories were all different.  My cousin had the same surgery my wife did.  One aunt had a lumpectomy and had to go back for a bilateral mastectomy.  Another had a mastectomy and reconstruction on one side.  At one point the 3 of them and my mother all took a photo together with the bride.  I alone shed a tear thinking how these 4 women all indirectly related by marriage were impacted by cancer and were sisters in a community of women who have been through a lot.  There were no shared genes.  All connected by marriage and a similar disease and very bright smiles.  I don’t think they even realized the circumstances of who was in that photo.

My wife did say that the pain was lesser and that she only seemed to be pained later in the afternoon.  She really looks great and I know part of it is her always positive style which I told her she needed to put away sometimes.  While it is good to look great so everyone can feel good for her, there might still be some tough times ahead and she might have to let everyone understand that.  We still won’t know her possible chemo plan for another week.

The week is starting off okay.  I’m still taking the kids to school and she is now picking the kids up.  I think the kids really feel better knowing mom is okay enough to pick them up and play chauffeur again.  I have to remind them to take it easy on her though.  Her mobility is good and we don’t have any visits to the PS this week so it is just a good week to get things done.  The hard part for me is to get back to work and keep my concentration.  I do worry and call just to make sure she is okay.  Letting go is going to be a hard one for me as I will not feel comfortable until she has fully regained her strength and we feel like we can truly begin the healing process.

It is hard to believe it has only been two months since her diagnosis.  It seems like forever.  And we still have a litle longer to go.

2nd weekend after Breast cancer surgery – A Linear Life

21 Sunday Sep 2008

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“My life seems so simple yet so complex”

Going into the weekend, life seemed normal post-surgery.  We had just had a meeting with the plastic surgeon, we were ahead of sechedul and there seemed to be no complications.  Saturday morning we awoke to a “bloody mess”.    Blood in the sheets and her drains seemed to be emitting so much more fluid.  “Perhaps we knicked a blood vessel yesterday!”, no big deal was what we were told.  Bandages had to be replaced by me and it was still leaking so we went in to the hospital get this fixed.  All this on kid’s soccer morning!  Stress 101!

Well the doctor was on call and she patched us up.  A small hematoma had been looking for a place to drain and found it’s spot.  Yechhhh!  Well I guess things could have been worse, but at least we were now patched up and could live our SIMPLE but cancer-affected life the rest of the weekend.  Our kids?  They just thought it was one of the many follow-up appointments and it seemed to roll right off their backs.  Soccer Saturday stress was averted.

THE DRAINS!  They seemed to be our focus right now.  Cancer has a way of doing that to you.  At first it’s dealing with the diagnosis, then it is the waiting, then it is the surgery, now its the discomfort of the drains.  There are tons of other things going on in her life and you have to find ways to take her attention off those uncomfortable subject matters.  For me this has been the most difficult one.  It is just difficult visually to look at.  “My life seems so simple, yet so complex.  I take pills, I empty these lousy drains and I rest.  The rest of it just revolves around me.  Chemotherapy is sounding like a nice change of pace.”  Comments like that from her help me understand what she is going through.  She’s in pain.  she’s hurting, and she’s bored.  I really understand what she feels and it’s killing me to see her go through this.  Yes, this linear life has changed her.  It’s focused her.  It’s focused us. 

The new goal for now: Get these darned drains taken out!  Did we say goals?  We need to go back to the old posting about our goals and change them here.  We just never envisioned these drains being so painful.  Still emitting around 35ccs per side, so we are almost down to the magical 30ccs.

Courage and Connectedness – One week after the mastectomy

16 Tuesday Sep 2008

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“It’s all about Courage and Connectedness”

One week after the surgery and we are slowly getting back to a semi-routine.  I am taking the kids to school and either I or someone else picks up the kids.  Someone drops in during the mid-day to check on her and in the evening to make sure she is okay at dinner.

Well we got the call today.  I’m not sure if we got the call we were expecting.  I guess things are never just black or white.  The news we wanted to hear is that her nodes both came back negative.  The joy in my wife’s voice was great to hear.  The doctor did say the margins were close and that perhaps we might want to do some follow-up after speaking with the oncologist.  My wife was still upbeat, but I felt like that still was not the perfect news in my eyes.  It was the first time my heart sunk.  Is she still going to need chemo?  Maybe.  Maybe just a light dosage.  I’m disappointed in myself for not being as upbeat as her.  I guess after all these months of trying to be positive, I let my guard down.

All in all though, we are still on schedule and we are thankful.  We still have the strength to carry on.

Tonight was our son’s Back to School Night in which they told us this year’s theme was about Courage and Connectedness.  The courage to try new things and face new challenges.  The ability to connect with others and stay together through tough times.  The words of the Principal almost choked me up as I sat there without my wife.  I felt like he knew that I was thinking those exact things.  We are having to have the courage to face each day anew and to face each challenge with the courage to carry on for our children.  The connectedness with our community has been so wonderful from the encouraging words to the pre-prepared meals.  We wonder what we did to deserve such kindness and help.  We really do feel so lucky compared to those who need more and don’t have such a great support network.

I even have to thank all the wonderful women and their spouses on breastcancer.org.  They’ve been so supportive and helpful and I’ve learned so much from them.  They’ve provided us with so much more information that we’d never have known to ask for.

Well, that’s it.  One week later.  Still holding at about 35ccs per drain and hoping that these drains will come out at the end of the week.  Oh that would be a nice treat.

3 Days post Breast Cancer Surgery – A Loving Fight

12 Friday Sep 2008

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“Let’s stop, smile and thank everyone”

Day 3 post surgery and we don’t want to count our chickens (well maybe the chickens people have given us and we can’t fit in our fridge), but we just feel fortunate that things have gone well so far.  My wife spent an hour online writing emails today.  It was a lot of effort for her, but she felt happy to just thank everyone even if it was a mass email.

The support and well wishing notes really are a wonderful thing to receive.  We can never say enough how fortunate we are to have family and friends who care.  Tonight at dinner we thanked our now 9 year old son and our 6 year old daughter for being such troopers this past week.  We have said they are our inspiration and a big part of our recovery.  Although they’ve shown great maturity we want them to retain lots of their kid spirit.  Our son did not get to have a huge birthday party like all of his friends, but he said he was just happy to have his mom home safe and sound.  I couldn’t agree more.

The big news today is that she felt good enough to get off the Vicodin which was still giving her headaches and makin her sluggish.  The drains are still emitting 60-65 ccs each per side for the 24 hr. period (down 10ccs from the previous 24 hours.  The nurse said they wil only take them out when they emit less than 30ccs per side for 2 consecutive days.  She does have some itchiness whcih we are told is a good sign of healing.  I asked if she felt different and she said that although she used to have a large chest that she didn’t really feel a change in the weight balance in front of her, but she wasstill feeling a sense of tingliness where they would have been.

This weekend will allow us to go a few steps further in healing our whole family and getting used to our new routine that will start to loosen up over the next few days.  We still have to watch for fevers and any swelling or irritation.  Chemo and/or radiation cannot be ruled out until we see a clean pathology report.

We have a follow up appointment in 5 days with the surgeons and hopefully the drains might get taken out and we might have a pathology repot back. 

Just a short blog note today as I’m now geting under the weather and I don’t want her to get sick now.

Day After Surgery – Breast Cancer Recovery

10 Wednesday Sep 2008

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“Stop, rest, and recover like a normal person.  There are no heroics the day after.”

The surgery went well.  First review of the nodes appears to be clear and we will be waiting for pathology reports over the next 10 days.   It was great news to sperad around but we are still being cautious and not letting our guard down.

Because my wife has had a history of nausea with pain medication, they brought her out of her sleep very slowly.  They kept her in the Post Surgery Unit for almost two hours and then brought her out to be brought to her private room around 3pm.  Surgery ended around 12:30. 

Having a sister-in-law as a nurse was very helpful in helping her to stay rested although my wife was already ready to run laps around the hall and as usual was chatting away.  That was until dinner when I became the clean-up guy as she couldn’t hold her food down.  They had her on Dilaudid and Vicodin, but it really was still the anaesthesia wearing off that was making her ill.  She couldn’t hold down chicken broth or crackers.  They also had her doing breathing exercises to avoid pneumonia.

She isn’t in much pain in her chest but rather is having some headaches probably from caffeine withdrawal and lack of food.  We are off the drip and are now on Ibuprofen which she will be alternating with Vicodin at home.  We are down to probably one vicodin pill instead of two.

The hard is getting my wife to shut it down (and up).  She’s running around the room one minute and getting sick the next.  It is now noon and she is antsy to get out of here, but they aren’t going to let her go until after she shows she can eat something and hold it down.  My take is that because she is small, the drugs are making her loopy, so although she feels well, she is probably slightly overdrugged.

I do see the excitment in her now that it is over.  That is a great thing for me.  My biggest concern was her mental stability and her ability to deal with the loss for the period of time it would take for her to get back to normal.  She seems to have her fight back and is ready to go.  I just need to have her rest and recover for now.    One thing I did get her today was the SOFTEE, a product that has lightweight breast forms you can easitly put into place.  You can also pull it on over your legs rather than over your head and it has a nice ROO pouch that you can use to place the drains in. and not let them hang.

It looks really comfortable and I think it will be well worth it.  Make sure to get the Softee Two and not the original which does not have the Roo pockets.

Hopefully we’ll be able to get her home in the next coiuple of hours and

The Morning of Breast Cancer Surgery – Now the Wait

09 Tuesday Sep 2008

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“The weather isn’t nice, so I wouldn’t play golf anyway”

The alarm went off at 4:30 and I jumped out of bed to take a shower quietly while she slept another 20 minutes.  Other than the early morning wakeup call and the lack of food (no eating before the surgery) this was our normal routine.  I checked a few emails, put the bags in the car and read the paper while I waited for her to come down.  I smiled at all her last minute things she wanted to get done – mail bills, throw her iPod in the overnight bag, make sure the kids had all their stuff ready for school.  She grabbed her pillow and took one look around the house.  I caught her crying and didn’t want to look or I’d start crying too, I looked out the window and said the only words I could think of to make her smile, “The weather looks gloomy, I wouldn’t be playing golf anyway”.  I got a kidding hit to the abdomen and turned to see her smiling.  We were ready to go.  Check in time…6am.

While I went to the mailbox she waited for a second in the lobby holding her pillow.  She ran into her surgeon who gave her a hug.  She didn’t recognize her at first holding a flowery pillow and told her, “you looked like a little 15 year old girl”.  Our surgeon is well respected (10 years of practice and a professor at one of the best teaching hospitals in the country) and like most, she has her idiosyncrasies when it comes to bedside manner, but that I can live with.

Upstairs we got checked in and my wife undressed and we put her clothes in the bag they provided.  Reminder to some, leave your jewelry at home (I pocketed her wedding rings).  If I didn’t know my wife’s exact weight by now, I got it told one more time as she got on the scale and we signed more consent forms. The administrative nurses walked off with her clothes and pillow (I kept her toiletry kit, cell phone and other valuables).   The first doctor to some in was the plastic surgeon.  He marked her body up like a smiley face and was really pragmatic.  You definitely have to have vision.  You could see his mind working like an artist as he marked up her body.  Next was the anaesthesiology team.  They once again confirmed my wife’s allergy to Codine.  Last was the main surgeon.  Always nice when they come in fresh faced and ready to go even at 7am!  She said all was on schedule and spoke with me about when she’d come out to tell me how it went. 

They then gave her the cocktail and within five seconds my wife was loopy.  The cocktail has an effect of amnesia which will relieve any trauma in the mind.  She was already laughing within 30 seconds and kissed me one last time before they wheeled her off into surgery. 

I can’t believe that was two and a half hours ago.  Surgery is half over already, I am assuming, and they are on to the second breast.  I did go to move the car and drove a few blocks home to make sure my mom was okay and that the kids got off to school without any hassle.  She said they didn’t have a clue as to the fact that their mother was off to surgery this morning.  At least they didn’t say anything, but we think our son might know.

As they wheeled her off, I called her parents to let them know that she is off to surgery. Her father says he’s proud of her strength, but I’m sure her mother is worried being far away.  She got a chance to speak to them yesterday, but waiting doors away is probably no easier than waiting 3000 miles away.

I will let them know this afternoon when I pick them up from school that mom is okay and will be gone just one more night.  Whew..now the wait continues.  Thank heaven for internet access and Starbucks coffee.

PS, I do think it ironic that as we spoke to the surgeons this morning and they asked if my wife had any reservations, the TV overhead playing in the room announced that Lance Armstrong, a cancer survivor was announcing that he was un-retiring.

Keeping the Routine (The weekend before breast cancer surgery)

07 Sunday Sep 2008

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“Keep your game face on” – today’s note to my wife

The weekend before the suregery (3 days and 2 days) before the surgery and we are trying to keep things normal. We lost our main distraction when my wife finished her massive project.  It was such a blessing to have that project to keep us focused and distracted on a big task at hand.  But now it is gone and we have only a couple of days to churn through.  A whole weekend.  So what do you do?

Day 1 of the weekend was the beginning of soccer season.  Although the kids know mommy is going to have surgery for cancer we are not telling them the exact day so that they don’t get too worried.  That said, they just know things. They can seen the tension and the irregularities in our life.  Our son played a nice game of soccer and for once his mother wasn’t chatting and saw him score.  A nice goal in which he kicked in a rebound reflection off his own shot.  He was so proud of himself and when we congratulated him later, he said, “That was a goal for you.  A goal of determination”.  Darn kids, they sure can make you cry.

As I said, the goal was to stay the course for our kids so we had a couple of boys over to help celebrate our son’s birthday and make him feel like all is okay.  They giggled their way to sleep.

Sunday was more prep and cleaning day.  The things that I don’t do most of the time and won’t have time doing: 1) Laundry, 2)Watering the garden, 3) Answering all of her well wishes emails.  I took our son to the football home opener.  The 49ers slogan today was “Get your Game Face on”.  Well we adopted it in our household.  It is how we tackled the day getting everything done.  Our family was a model of efficiency.  We planned also to have a nice birthday dinner for our son and his uncle with the immediate family.  The dinner was for them but also for my wife to get her mind off things.  A quiet dinner at home was not what we needed.  It was also a time to mentally walk through the logistics of the next two days – Who is picking up the kds?  Who is going to be there during and after the surgery?  Who is going to be with the kids when I’m at the hospital?

We’re about as prepared as we could be at this point.  99.5% prepared!  Of course my wife is pounding out emails and running around making the kid’s lunches for tomorrow as I type this out.  I think she is starting to drive me crazy with the last minute reminders.    I just looked over at her and smiled.  She got the point…Game Face…yes, put it on and keep it on.

We’ve started a nightly ritual of checking in with each other to see if we are both okay.  Still anxious?  Check.  Had a good laugh today? Check.  Had a good cry today?  Check.  Learn something new today? Check.  What a day and weekend this was.

Tomorrow- Preparation day including Pre-op Lab work, Nuclear prep, pre-op with the RN

“What are you thinking?” (5 days to go) – A Loving Fight

04 Thursday Sep 2008

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Energy and persistence conquer all things.
Benjamin Franklin, Inventor

Apple iTunes

I’ve been asked how I view this blog.  Well I view it as therapy as well as a resource for husbands with wives who have breast cancer.  I’m not the same as every husband and I know I am unashamedly more sensitive than most guys, but heck I need support too.  All of us do.  The problem is that guys in general don’t open up and tell you how they are doing or feeling.  In fact at yesterday’s meeting with the psychologist she offered an opportunity to attend a husband’s support group.  I don’t think I’m ready for that personally.  Also, contrary to popular belief, guys sitting around talking about their wife’s breasts just seems a bit peculiar.

In fact, this blog is a bit funny in that I’m actually finding this a great opportunity to speak my mind to strangers, yet when my cousin found my blog, I was a bit weirded out.  it got too personal.  I asked one of the other husband’s from school who has been a great resource and he said, “Yeah, I felt like everyone was staring at my wife’s chest for months.  I told myself she was now a priceless piece of art, the Mona Lisa.  People were now required to look at her through 2 pieces of bullet proof glass from a distance and pay an admission fee.”  We chuckled and he told me I’d get used to it and that all the craziness and drama would go away as soon as I reached Stage 2 (post Surgery) and Stage 1 (The Wait) was over.

As the days lead closer to the actual surgery, we are being inundated with appt. emails (as well as calls from our next two presidential candidates (McCain and Obama) and our awareness of everything “cancer” is showing up.  I notice the pink ribbons more, I notice more stories of other people with cancer.  In the restroom at the mall was a series of posters for Searchforthecause.org. Looking at my own community I thought about not only my mother and mother-in-law and realized that I have 6 women related to me (including cousins and aunts) who have been affected by breast cancer.  There are even more when I broaden my community to friends, neighbors and our school.  Then I saw this televised concert tomorrow on CBS featuring Beyonce and just diagnosed actress, Christina Applegate, along with cancer survivors Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong.  There is a new song called Stand up and you can buy it on iTunes to help benefit cancer research.

Apple iTunes

Yes, cancer seems all around us and I am having trouble focusing myself these days as well.  I’m definitely in a good state and need to revisit my benefits on what I want to get out of this.  There are definite gentle reminders in life to revisit your priorities and this is one of those times to do it.  As Ben Franklin, said, “Energy and Persistence”.  I have to get through it the next 5 days and we’ll be right there ready to start living a life of moving forward with new conviction.

"What are you thinking?" (5 days to go) – A Loving Fight

04 Thursday Sep 2008

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Energy and persistence conquer all things.
Benjamin Franklin, Inventor

Apple iTunes

I’ve been asked how I view this blog.  Well I view it as therapy as well as a resource for husbands with wives who have breast cancer.  I’m not the same as every husband and I know I am unashamedly more sensitive than most guys, but heck I need support too.  All of us do.  The problem is that guys in general don’t open up and tell you how they are doing or feeling.  In fact at yesterday’s meeting with the psychologist she offered an opportunity to attend a husband’s support group.  I don’t think I’m ready for that personally.  Also, contrary to popular belief, guys sitting around talking about their wife’s breasts just seems a bit peculiar.

In fact, this blog is a bit funny in that I’m actually finding this a great opportunity to speak my mind to strangers, yet when my cousin found my blog, I was a bit weirded out.  it got too personal.  I asked one of the other husband’s from school who has been a great resource and he said, “Yeah, I felt like everyone was staring at my wife’s chest for months.  I told myself she was now a priceless piece of art, the Mona Lisa.  People were now required to look at her through 2 pieces of bullet proof glass from a distance and pay an admission fee.”  We chuckled and he told me I’d get used to it and that all the craziness and drama would go away as soon as I reached Stage 2 (post Surgery) and Stage 1 (The Wait) was over.

As the days lead closer to the actual surgery, we are being inundated with appt. emails (as well as calls from our next two presidential candidates (McCain and Obama) and our awareness of everything “cancer” is showing up.  I notice the pink ribbons more, I notice more stories of other people with cancer.  In the restroom at the mall was a series of posters for Searchforthecause.org. Looking at my own community I thought about not only my mother and mother-in-law and realized that I have 6 women related to me (including cousins and aunts) who have been affected by breast cancer.  There are even more when I broaden my community to friends, neighbors and our school.  Then I saw this televised concert tomorrow on CBS featuring Beyonce and just diagnosed actress, Christina Applegate, along with cancer survivors Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong.  There is a new song called Stand up and you can buy it on iTunes to help benefit cancer research.

Apple iTunes

Yes, cancer seems all around us and I am having trouble focusing myself these days as well.  I’m definitely in a good state and need to revisit my benefits on what I want to get out of this.  There are definite gentle reminders in life to revisit your priorities and this is one of those times to do it.  As Ben Franklin, said, “Energy and Persistence”.  I have to get through it the next 5 days and we’ll be right there ready to start living a life of moving forward with new conviction.

The Psychologist Visit (6 days to go) – A Loving Fight

03 Wednesday Sep 2008

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“Stay focused and keep the course.  Keep doing and stop thinking. Especially stop overthinking.”

Today was the meeting with the psychologist.  Actually this is the meeting I dreaded because I don’t know how you can meet with people for one day and drop advice and hope that people take it right.  It was also a meeting we didn’t have to take , but my wife said , “Let’s just go and listen”.  It has actually thrown my wife off kilter.  She hasn’t been able to stay on task at work all day and it has created more worry in her life.  My wife was fine for the most part and now I had to undo what the psychologist did…..and of course, listening to my advice is not what my wife likes to do.

There were some good parts of the visit.  The doctor first encouraged my wife that distraction is good and that what we are doing is right with her continuing her work.  She also told my wife to start some breathing exercises so my wife doesn’t become dependent on Adavan (sp?), a drug my wife has been taking to deal with some anxiety.  They don’t want you to become too dependent upon it.  Then things got worse when she started reminding my wife of things that she didn’t need to remind her of and telling us how to handle other matters that we’ve already taken care of.  What the heck?!!!

I have taken the responsibility of worrying about things for my wife and making sure that she doesn’t dwell on things and throw herself into a depression and suddenly this “Quack” does that. We were definitely in good spirits all the way until this psychologist starts telling my wife of people of longer recoveries than expected, kids who have been traumatized, and other roadblocks that we have discussed in the past, but have agreed to be prepared for, look out for, and deal with them when the time comes.  This psychologist might have been trying to talk to us as if we were unprepared when everyone has told us so far that we were more than prepared. Argghhh!

It took a few hours, but I’ve gotten my wife’s mind focused back on other things.  She’s in a good way.  We spilled our anger over the psychologist’s thoughts and said, here’s what we will listen to…and the rest is “Quackiness”.  We’ve refocused on the good points and are at piece.  We laughed because my wife’s month long cough is finally gone.  Definitely an anxiety cough and something the psychologist did say was likely a product of stress and even possibly the medication.

Today was the first day of school and there was some sadness for us.  Two young families in the school with us lost parents this summer.  One lost a father to an aggressive pancreatic cancer and another lost a mother to breast cancer which had metastasized into her liver.  We had seen her all summer at the pool with her young sons and were saddened to hear of their loss. 

At the same time, we are so grateful to have a wonderful core group of parents that we have told who have already approached us with help, food , etc.   Such amazing people and we are so happy with our school community.  They will watch out for our children to make sure that they seem okay with what is going on at home.

Hey wait…was this more of a distraction? I guess we somehow got distracted by more events and other drama, my wife got a lot of work done, our kids seem pretty psyched about school and soccer practice and our first games this weekend!  5 more days of this!?  Aiyyee!  Somebody needs to distract me!